Given my past issues with infertility, this is probably surprising...but sometimes I forget that some people remain childless (biologically speaking) no matter what they do, no matter how hard they try, how much money they spend on the most aggressive treatments.
The thing is, fertility treatments have become more main-streamed, more talked about...and there's so much more available now than ever before (although lets face it...infertility is still not talked about enough). There's more options, more protocols, more everything. There's payment plans now and fertility "deals" and "packages". At my specialist's office, there are even holiday specials. More insurance plans are at least partially covering some sort of fertility care. Hell, I was one of the lucky ones. My insurance covered three IVF's. It covered the meds, the appointments, blood work, ultrasounds. The only thing we had to pay for was the freezing of our last little (Hayden) embryo. Yes. I was **very** lucky.
And all these things are wonderful. More and more women are fulfilling their dreams of having children, of carrying their babies. Out of all my infertile friends (and I have collected quite a few...well actually, it's really that the more you talk about infertility, the more common you realize it is), all of them (ALL!!!!!) have at least one child or are pregnant.
What an amazing thing. What a beautiful thing. It's breathtaking to think about all the children who wouldn't be here, but for medicine, science and the by the grace of God. All these beautiful souls...
But with so many success stories all around, it's hard to remember that sometimes, once in awhile, specialists cannot heal every life, cannot give a couple (or person) what they have been dreaming of for possibly their whole life.
Gonal-F does not fix all problems. Progesterone doesn't help save all pregnancies. Eating a low carb diet does not make PCOS go away. IVF is not a sure-fire guarantee.
Sometimes treatments fail. Over and over again. And sometimes people keep persevering-like my sister-in-law, who went through four or five rounds of IVF before getting her miracle baby.
But sometimes perseverance isn't enough. And I forget this. I forget that some things just can't be fixed. And that trying over and over again still doesn't make it happen. And I guess I'm just acknowledging this...even though I don't know why.
My dad had a knee replacement two weeks ago. I went to visit him in the hospital and there was a very nice nurse there who was about 45. She showed us pictured of her dogs and my mom asked if she had any children (a question I tend to stay away from). She replied no, that she and her husband had never been able to conceive. My mom asked if she had went to Dr. K (my specialist; mom! zip it!). The nurse responded that they had gone and tried for a long time, but in the end there wasn't much Dr. K could do for them. And then she said, "I'm ok with it...I'm not even mad at God anymore".
And that was my wake-up call. I knew I was lucky before. But I lost sight of how lucky. Because not everything can be fixed. Going through the hells of treatment does not guarantee you a baby, even if you are more than deserving.
So I guess she just resonated so much with me that I wanted to acknowledge that struggle. I don't know how she came to a place of peace, because I don't know how I would have done it. I can only hope that there's less and less women who seek treatment to no avail, who purge their wallets and time and put their bodies through a hormonal wind storm and end up with empty arms. These women deserve to be acknowledged. Because they did all they could. They tried and tried. They wept and prayed. And it didn't happen. And how do they swallow such a bitter pill. How do they move on? How do they let go of the bitterness? I just don't know. Maybe it's because they know they did all they could. I hope there is some peace in that...
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Watch Out For Those Couches, Kids...
Ahhhhh...my sweet little Alex. She is a typical 3+ year old. She likes climbing, running, playing tag and....gymnastics. She LOVES gymnastics. Of course it doesn't hurt that we go to the play place right next door after gymnastics with some of her little gymnastics friends. It also doesn't hurt that she gets some Munchkins from DD after. But regardless, she loves gymnastics.
She also likes practicing gymnastics, being the little perfectionist that she is (not so happy about this part, trying to rub out a few of the perfectionist tendencies in both of us-tends to get in the way of happiness). So she practices at home...does front and back rolls on the carpet, on our big bed and has decided the couch is a trampoline (no matter how many times I tell her that it is not, in fact, a trampoline). Apparently on Thursday, while I was in the kitchen cooking, she decided the arm of the couch was also a balance beam. It's a tall, largish couch. She was pretty high up. Well, I guess her balance still needs work because she fell off of the arm and right onto HER arm :(
Screaming ensued.
At first, I thought maybe she was being over dramatic. Because we ARE at the stage where screaming occurs if a dog brushes up against her. A dramatic phase. But soon my mama instinct kicked in and a I realized that something was really wrong.
It wasn't too swollen or bruised, but she did not want to move it and held her right arm at a right degree angle. And so this went on four an hour with her crying off and on. We tried ice for awhile. It didn't do much.
At this point, I pretty much insisted that the hubs take her to urgent care (it was now about 7pm). I would stay home with the baby. After all, we didn't really think it was broken-maybe just badly bruised. It was kind of one of those "lets just take her to be sure, but I'm sure everything's fine" moments.
Fortunately, the urgent care near our house rocks and Dan and Alex were seen immediately.
The verdict: a fracture of the proximal ulna :( Which means, her ulna broke right near the elbow. And it was a strange break because, rather than going across the bone, it split going UP the bone. A splint was made and she was sent home with an appointment with the orthopedist for the next day.
This time, we both went. Sure enough...they confirmed it was a funky break, but did not think surgery would be necessary (thank God). She ended up with a blue (her choice) cast on her right arm-for pretty much the whole arm.
But Alex has been a trooper. She is basically in no pain anymore, and seems to be adapting to using her left arm/hand. Looks like we'll be reviewing some house safety rules though...
She also likes practicing gymnastics, being the little perfectionist that she is (not so happy about this part, trying to rub out a few of the perfectionist tendencies in both of us-tends to get in the way of happiness). So she practices at home...does front and back rolls on the carpet, on our big bed and has decided the couch is a trampoline (no matter how many times I tell her that it is not, in fact, a trampoline). Apparently on Thursday, while I was in the kitchen cooking, she decided the arm of the couch was also a balance beam. It's a tall, largish couch. She was pretty high up. Well, I guess her balance still needs work because she fell off of the arm and right onto HER arm :(
Screaming ensued.
At first, I thought maybe she was being over dramatic. Because we ARE at the stage where screaming occurs if a dog brushes up against her. A dramatic phase. But soon my mama instinct kicked in and a I realized that something was really wrong.
It wasn't too swollen or bruised, but she did not want to move it and held her right arm at a right degree angle. And so this went on four an hour with her crying off and on. We tried ice for awhile. It didn't do much.
At this point, I pretty much insisted that the hubs take her to urgent care (it was now about 7pm). I would stay home with the baby. After all, we didn't really think it was broken-maybe just badly bruised. It was kind of one of those "lets just take her to be sure, but I'm sure everything's fine" moments.
Fortunately, the urgent care near our house rocks and Dan and Alex were seen immediately.
The verdict: a fracture of the proximal ulna :( Which means, her ulna broke right near the elbow. And it was a strange break because, rather than going across the bone, it split going UP the bone. A splint was made and she was sent home with an appointment with the orthopedist for the next day.
This time, we both went. Sure enough...they confirmed it was a funky break, but did not think surgery would be necessary (thank God). She ended up with a blue (her choice) cast on her right arm-for pretty much the whole arm.
But Alex has been a trooper. She is basically in no pain anymore, and seems to be adapting to using her left arm/hand. Looks like we'll be reviewing some house safety rules though...
Well, at least her cast matches her Cinderella Halloween costume...which she is wearing for a Halloween birthday party
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Hayden's Christening
We had a great day...a busy, crazy, hectic, great day!
The baptism itself went really well. Hayden was smiling and cooing and didn't even blink an eye when they put the water on her. In fact, she smiled even bigger. She wore the same Christening gown that had been worn by at least three generations and is God knows how many years old. We do know that my father and all his siblings wore it, my sister and I and our cousins, Alex and now Hayden. But I think it's older than even the late 1940's. It's very fragile right now and we handle it as little as possible. But it's still very beautiful.
After the baptism, we prepared for the party at our house. It was in the low 70's and cloudy, but fortunately, the rain held off...and all the little kids actually went in the pool! Crazy kids! They were freezing when they got out, but had a blast! We had about 55 people over for the after-party and MAN! Were they prepared to eat! We had the party partially catered and they went through 2 pans of meatballs, 2 pans of pasta, pretty much a whole meat tray, 3/4 of a sheet cake and 4 pounds of Italian cookies. Oh, not to mention devouring the snacks and side dishes. I'm glad we had enough! Also glad that there weren't many leftovers.
Highlight of the day: Alex (unknowingly) flashing the church while she was standing at the altar waving her dress around. Oh yeah...everyone got to see her panties, lol...three year olds!
The baptism itself went really well. Hayden was smiling and cooing and didn't even blink an eye when they put the water on her. In fact, she smiled even bigger. She wore the same Christening gown that had been worn by at least three generations and is God knows how many years old. We do know that my father and all his siblings wore it, my sister and I and our cousins, Alex and now Hayden. But I think it's older than even the late 1940's. It's very fragile right now and we handle it as little as possible. But it's still very beautiful.
After the baptism, we prepared for the party at our house. It was in the low 70's and cloudy, but fortunately, the rain held off...and all the little kids actually went in the pool! Crazy kids! They were freezing when they got out, but had a blast! We had about 55 people over for the after-party and MAN! Were they prepared to eat! We had the party partially catered and they went through 2 pans of meatballs, 2 pans of pasta, pretty much a whole meat tray, 3/4 of a sheet cake and 4 pounds of Italian cookies. Oh, not to mention devouring the snacks and side dishes. I'm glad we had enough! Also glad that there weren't many leftovers.
Highlight of the day: Alex (unknowingly) flashing the church while she was standing at the altar waving her dress around. Oh yeah...everyone got to see her panties, lol...three year olds!
The trifle I made for the party (I'm so proud)...gingerbread and pumpkin
Hayden with her Christening gown and her bonnet-that doubles as a handkerchief for her wedding
Alex waiting for things to begin
Hayden's God-parents: my sister and one of Dan's good friends
Us with my parents
Crazy kids!
Man...that trampoline got a work out that day!
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Busy Busy Busy! Welcome to September!
We had a decently busy summer, between going to camp every other weekend, having a big pool party, going on play dates and just doing the general, menial, every day things...summer flew!
And now that September is here, we have a lot going on.
First of all...I'm not going back to work until February :) Woohoo! But, in a strange way, I kind of miss working. Odd. I would have never thought that. God knows I complain enough about **going** to work. I miss my coworkers, the comradeship. I miss problem solving with them. I miss coffee in the mornings, our little group. BUT...I love being here with my girls. I love that I have this time with them. They are both growing up so quickly. If I could go to work for like an hour and have coffee with my coworkers and then come home to my girls-that...THAT would be perfect.
Alex and Hayden are both growing up so so quickly! Hayden is awake much more during the day now and is rolling over and **trying** to sit up on her own. Girl has a solid set of stomach muscles! She has graduated from the swaddle, which is great-except that her hands wake her up and she ends up battling with them from about 4:30am until about 8. Which means I'm up too. But she's a happy happy HAPPY baby. She's very quick to smile and coo and shriek. Here eyes are still very blue and I don't think that they will be changing. Hayden is now wearing 3-6 month clothing, but still *kind of* fits into 0-3 months. I've packed away the first of her itty bitty baby clothes. A very bittersweet task, as we most likely are done having babies. But, you have to be done some time, right??? Some things we will donate, some sell on Craig's List and some-save for friends or family that have little girls. These 4 1/2 months have flown. Again...very bittersweet.
Alex is 3 1/2 now. She is so smart and so fun and has a real sweet (and sassy, per the three year old part) side. She also thinks she knows everything, lol. Alex is taking gymnastics class now and wants to take soccer...I just need to fine a league for her. While I'm not working, she goes to daycare/preschool two full days per week...that way she can stay in the loop. Those are usually the days that I try to run most of my errands and do the housework, laundry. The big thing though-is we are fully potty trained!!! Alex has been peeing on the potty for over a year now and learned in one day, but has been afraid to poop on the potty. We finally finally got her to do it. It may have taken a whole bunch of bribery but hey...whatever works! She also sleeps in her undies and has not had any accidents in a long long time. Knock on wood-we are completely trained! Alex currently loves princesses (especially Cinderella), Doc McStuffins, playing doctor, Sophia the First, playing with princesses, and gymnastics. She's always "practicing" gymnastics at home. Her best friend at school is Daniel. Alex is a talker and will talk incessantly. I love it. She loves big words and likes to say "cantankerous" when referring to someone being grumpy at school. She is currently wearing 4T-5T clothes, because she is so tall and skinny. She's not a big eater-of anything. But that's ok. She'll eat when she's hungry. Alex is such a good big sister, and I'm so proud of how much care she takes with Hayden.
September is a busy month. We have Hayden's Christening next weekend...which means a big party (about 50-55 people) after, which I need to prepare for. We also have gymnastics and a few birthday parties to attend. My dad is having knee replacement surgery at the end of this month, so that will also keep us busy. Alex already picked her Halloween costume--Cinderella; Hayden is being a cute, pink owl.
I'm telling you...this staying home thing is no joke! I give a lot of credit to you mommies out there who stay home indefinitely. It is hard work and you are pretty darn busy :)
And now that September is here, we have a lot going on.
First of all...I'm not going back to work until February :) Woohoo! But, in a strange way, I kind of miss working. Odd. I would have never thought that. God knows I complain enough about **going** to work. I miss my coworkers, the comradeship. I miss problem solving with them. I miss coffee in the mornings, our little group. BUT...I love being here with my girls. I love that I have this time with them. They are both growing up so quickly. If I could go to work for like an hour and have coffee with my coworkers and then come home to my girls-that...THAT would be perfect.
Alex and Hayden are both growing up so so quickly! Hayden is awake much more during the day now and is rolling over and **trying** to sit up on her own. Girl has a solid set of stomach muscles! She has graduated from the swaddle, which is great-except that her hands wake her up and she ends up battling with them from about 4:30am until about 8. Which means I'm up too. But she's a happy happy HAPPY baby. She's very quick to smile and coo and shriek. Here eyes are still very blue and I don't think that they will be changing. Hayden is now wearing 3-6 month clothing, but still *kind of* fits into 0-3 months. I've packed away the first of her itty bitty baby clothes. A very bittersweet task, as we most likely are done having babies. But, you have to be done some time, right??? Some things we will donate, some sell on Craig's List and some-save for friends or family that have little girls. These 4 1/2 months have flown. Again...very bittersweet.
Alex is 3 1/2 now. She is so smart and so fun and has a real sweet (and sassy, per the three year old part) side. She also thinks she knows everything, lol. Alex is taking gymnastics class now and wants to take soccer...I just need to fine a league for her. While I'm not working, she goes to daycare/preschool two full days per week...that way she can stay in the loop. Those are usually the days that I try to run most of my errands and do the housework, laundry. The big thing though-is we are fully potty trained!!! Alex has been peeing on the potty for over a year now and learned in one day, but has been afraid to poop on the potty. We finally finally got her to do it. It may have taken a whole bunch of bribery but hey...whatever works! She also sleeps in her undies and has not had any accidents in a long long time. Knock on wood-we are completely trained! Alex currently loves princesses (especially Cinderella), Doc McStuffins, playing doctor, Sophia the First, playing with princesses, and gymnastics. She's always "practicing" gymnastics at home. Her best friend at school is Daniel. Alex is a talker and will talk incessantly. I love it. She loves big words and likes to say "cantankerous" when referring to someone being grumpy at school. She is currently wearing 4T-5T clothes, because she is so tall and skinny. She's not a big eater-of anything. But that's ok. She'll eat when she's hungry. Alex is such a good big sister, and I'm so proud of how much care she takes with Hayden.
September is a busy month. We have Hayden's Christening next weekend...which means a big party (about 50-55 people) after, which I need to prepare for. We also have gymnastics and a few birthday parties to attend. My dad is having knee replacement surgery at the end of this month, so that will also keep us busy. Alex already picked her Halloween costume--Cinderella; Hayden is being a cute, pink owl.
I'm telling you...this staying home thing is no joke! I give a lot of credit to you mommies out there who stay home indefinitely. It is hard work and you are pretty darn busy :)
A day at the zoo with cousins
My little blue eyes
A day at the fair
Lol...look at the sneer!
YUM!
New Tattoo for Baby Girl
I'm completely late in posting this. I've been kind of slack with this blogging thing. Anyway, I got my new tattoo for Hayden. I have a blog entry about Alex's tattoo...on my left foot...a seeded dandelion with her name...because when I was struggling to get pregnant, I always made a wish on a seeded dandelion.
Anyway. My sister and I went to get new tattoos in early August. I decided to get Hayden's name tattooed on the inside of my right wrist. It's her name with a small heart and infinity sign. I love love love it! Annndddd....it was A LOT less painful than the tattoo on the foot. These were taken the day I had the tattoo done...
Btw-The guy who did it (calls himself Captain Ron, for real) was very nice, if not a bit gruff. But he did a great job. Also had a very dry sense of humor, which I appreciated. When I first met him, I said "I suck at getting tattoos" (meaning, I'm a big baby) and he easily responded back "I suck at giving tattoos". Now I know that this should have made me nervous, but I enjoy mock humbleness.
Anyway. My sister and I went to get new tattoos in early August. I decided to get Hayden's name tattooed on the inside of my right wrist. It's her name with a small heart and infinity sign. I love love love it! Annndddd....it was A LOT less painful than the tattoo on the foot. These were taken the day I had the tattoo done...
Btw-The guy who did it (calls himself Captain Ron, for real) was very nice, if not a bit gruff. But he did a great job. Also had a very dry sense of humor, which I appreciated. When I first met him, I said "I suck at getting tattoos" (meaning, I'm a big baby) and he easily responded back "I suck at giving tattoos". Now I know that this should have made me nervous, but I enjoy mock humbleness.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
FET Anniversary
Saturday was our one year FET anniversary. It was also the day of our big pool party, so I didn't have a chance to blog about it. But I thought about it all day. I thought about how Hayden was put back in me, just a tiny little blastocyst-cryopreserved for six months. I look at her now and I can't believe she's here. I can't believe that I can hold her, touch her, hear her laugh and squeal. She's such a happy baby, always smiling.
She's a fighter and it still amazes me how she went through so much just to get here. She was conceived in a petrie dish (more or less), had to survive being frozen and thawed and then there was my bleeding for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. And my initial beta numbers...they were so so so very low. Only 25.5 at 10dp5dt (or 15 dpo). That alone convinced me that it was a chemical pregnancy. I was so sure that she wouldn't survive. But the numbers kept going up...no huge jumps, just slowly and surely...consistently. At one appointment with my RE, her growth was a little behind and the nurse prepared me for the possibility of a miscarriage. This was at about 8 weeks (her growth was about 4-5 days behind). I was so scared, and also a little bit resigned. But Hayden kept growing...kept catching up. Her heart beat was always strong and steady. Then there was her birth, the scary 4 day NICU stay.
Thinking about it all, I just can't believe she's here and (knock on wood) healthy. She is such a joy and sometimes when I look at her, I just ache with fullness. That's really the only way to describe it. I ache. Her tentative beginnings still scare me if I think too long about it.
Both my girls are fighters. And I look at them both today and to me they are so perfect...perfectly formed, beautiful. And I can't believe I, we, made them. I don't know how we made anything so perfect. I can't wrap my head around it. They both went through so much to get here, that it blows my mind. And then I'm proud of myself, of us. We fought for our girls, every inch, every second. So I guess that makes us fighters too. Childbirth is empowering. But so is fighting every step of the way for what you want, for what you don't think you can live without. There's something special about my girls someday knowing how wanted they were, how much we fought to bring them into the world. There's a beauty in that. I'm just so thankful...
She's a fighter and it still amazes me how she went through so much just to get here. She was conceived in a petrie dish (more or less), had to survive being frozen and thawed and then there was my bleeding for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. And my initial beta numbers...they were so so so very low. Only 25.5 at 10dp5dt (or 15 dpo). That alone convinced me that it was a chemical pregnancy. I was so sure that she wouldn't survive. But the numbers kept going up...no huge jumps, just slowly and surely...consistently. At one appointment with my RE, her growth was a little behind and the nurse prepared me for the possibility of a miscarriage. This was at about 8 weeks (her growth was about 4-5 days behind). I was so scared, and also a little bit resigned. But Hayden kept growing...kept catching up. Her heart beat was always strong and steady. Then there was her birth, the scary 4 day NICU stay.
Thinking about it all, I just can't believe she's here and (knock on wood) healthy. She is such a joy and sometimes when I look at her, I just ache with fullness. That's really the only way to describe it. I ache. Her tentative beginnings still scare me if I think too long about it.
Both my girls are fighters. And I look at them both today and to me they are so perfect...perfectly formed, beautiful. And I can't believe I, we, made them. I don't know how we made anything so perfect. I can't wrap my head around it. They both went through so much to get here, that it blows my mind. And then I'm proud of myself, of us. We fought for our girls, every inch, every second. So I guess that makes us fighters too. Childbirth is empowering. But so is fighting every step of the way for what you want, for what you don't think you can live without. There's something special about my girls someday knowing how wanted they were, how much we fought to bring them into the world. There's a beauty in that. I'm just so thankful...
Sisters
My beautiful girls
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Four Names.
No, I'm not talking about the "royal trend" of naming your kid four names. Btw, speaking of the royal baby, I couldn't help myself. I actually wondered if she did IVF to conceive a boy. I have no reason to think that, just an idle thought. I mean, surely they are aware that it can be pretty much assured. Oh well, now I'm starting to sound like a conspiracy theorist. But it **could** have happened. Isn't that the basis for a good conspiracy theory?
Anyway...we've had a lot of "things" to go to this summer. We've had birthdays to go to, my good friend's son's christening over the weekend, wedding showers, etc etc. And you know how there are just some random moments that startle you? They kind of show you how far you have come, where you have come from...I had one of those moments when I was writing out a birthday card for our nephew. At the end, it said "Love Always, Auntie Amanda, Uncle Dan, Alexandra and Hayden". Four names. It was crazy putting four names on that card. For so long, it had just been two names. Two names on all sorts of cards for all sorts of events. And I never knew if I would ever have three names to write. Now we have four. FOUR. We are a family of four.
Now, obviously I knew this. I was kind of there when both kids were birthed. But it just kind of slapped me upside the head-in a good way. We have kids. Two kids. It was just one of "those" moments. A moment that is really hard to describe or write about. We were two, now we're four. We worked so hard to be four. Since 2008, making babies has consumed us off and on. Now it doesn't. And it's a strange and wonderful feeling.
So I'm sure that I'll have other moments like that...where what we've done, what we've been through to get what we have, comes rushing back. Like buying another stocking for Christmas, maybe. Having four stocking hanging from the mantle when there had been two for a long time. And driving in the car. Going home from the hospital altogether that first time was emotional for me. Seeing our two kids in the back seat of the car. It's the stuff like that, which most people don't really think about....
And buying FOUR plane tickets. We just bought four for our month long trip to Australia for Christmas this year. Now, I won't even go into how much is costs to buy four tickets to Australia because I don't want to vomit. Let's just say...it was ugly. But four tickets-all four of us in a row. Now I just have to renew my passport and get Hayden's first one!
I wonder if I will always get a chill when writing all of our names on a card? I wonder if I'll always think back to all of our struggles, all the work and heartache that went into making our family. In lots of ways, I hope I don't lose that perspective.
Anyway...time for some pics :)
Anyway...we've had a lot of "things" to go to this summer. We've had birthdays to go to, my good friend's son's christening over the weekend, wedding showers, etc etc. And you know how there are just some random moments that startle you? They kind of show you how far you have come, where you have come from...I had one of those moments when I was writing out a birthday card for our nephew. At the end, it said "Love Always, Auntie Amanda, Uncle Dan, Alexandra and Hayden". Four names. It was crazy putting four names on that card. For so long, it had just been two names. Two names on all sorts of cards for all sorts of events. And I never knew if I would ever have three names to write. Now we have four. FOUR. We are a family of four.
Now, obviously I knew this. I was kind of there when both kids were birthed. But it just kind of slapped me upside the head-in a good way. We have kids. Two kids. It was just one of "those" moments. A moment that is really hard to describe or write about. We were two, now we're four. We worked so hard to be four. Since 2008, making babies has consumed us off and on. Now it doesn't. And it's a strange and wonderful feeling.
So I'm sure that I'll have other moments like that...where what we've done, what we've been through to get what we have, comes rushing back. Like buying another stocking for Christmas, maybe. Having four stocking hanging from the mantle when there had been two for a long time. And driving in the car. Going home from the hospital altogether that first time was emotional for me. Seeing our two kids in the back seat of the car. It's the stuff like that, which most people don't really think about....
And buying FOUR plane tickets. We just bought four for our month long trip to Australia for Christmas this year. Now, I won't even go into how much is costs to buy four tickets to Australia because I don't want to vomit. Let's just say...it was ugly. But four tickets-all four of us in a row. Now I just have to renew my passport and get Hayden's first one!
I wonder if I will always get a chill when writing all of our names on a card? I wonder if I'll always think back to all of our struggles, all the work and heartache that went into making our family. In lots of ways, I hope I don't lose that perspective.
Anyway...time for some pics :)
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