2012.

2012....It was the *best* of times....and the *worst* of times.

That really sums up 2012 for us. It was definitely a mixed bag. We started our IVF cycle in 2012-which failed and also made me very sick. We lost Dan's grandfather (Opsie) and my best friend's father died very unexpectedly on Saturday. I knew him since I was eight. He was a wonderful man, a spectacular father and always showed such patience and kindness...even when he was carting a bunch of 16 year old's to the mall or the movies. I had my kidney stone and massive kidney infection that landed me in the hospital with sepsis and delayed our IF treatment for several months. My husband's cousin had a tubing accident and is now in a medicated coma with a TBI :( My family, friends and I have also lost several acquaintances this year. I just seems like there was a lot of bad news to go around.

But then....there was some spectacular stuff that happened too. Dan and I bought a beautiful house. We had our summer trip to Australia....we got pregnant on a frozen cycle that NO ONE really thought would take. We had our anatomy scan and, so far (knock on wood) baby girl is healthy and all looks good. Alex is growing into a beautiful, smart, funny, precocious, amazing older toddler. She gives us such joy. Every day. And she makes every year amazing. We look forward to seeing her with her sister in 2013.

So yes. It was a tough year. At some points, a grueling year. An amazing year too. It's what Glennon Melton (blogger) would call "Brutiful". Which is a mix of brutal and beautiful. How apt is that??? Brutiful. Definitely.

So here's to 2013. I hope that we have a healthy baby girl in about 3 1/2-4 months.  But most importantly of all, I wish for health, safety and togetherness for our family of (soon-to-be) four.

It's A......

GIRRRRRRLLLLLLL!

Another itty bitty baby girl. I. Am. Thrilled!

Seriously, I didn't care either way, all that much, but like 51% of me wanted another little girl while it was like 49% for a boy.

It would be cool to have both genders, but I love the idea of having sisters. Girls having each other their whole life. There's something extra special about that <3 p="p">
And the best part is....the anatomy scan was all perfectly normal. Her organs looked great, she was right on, growth-wise, her cord looked great, my cervix looked good. Everything is as it should be (knock on wood because I'm still paranoid and superstitious). And my integrated screening (looking for things like Down's, Trisomy 18 and neural defects) came back negative too...

Basically, my OB said, "Yeah, things look good....not even much worth commenting on".

LOL-when doctors don't have anything to comment on, that's usually a good sign ;)

Until yesterday, I really had no idea how much I was holding my breath on this whole pregnancy. I guess, this whole time, I was so worried because of it being a frozen embryo (fair grade no less) and starting off so rocky. I was just so worried something was wrong. Having the big anatomy scan really opened my eyes up to the fact that I was withholding a part of myself, emotionally, to prevent myself from getting hurt. Now I just feel so much more....attached. I feel like she's a real person now. I'm even talking to her ("chastising" her for making mommy so sick still, even at 20 weeks, lol).

I know that there is never any guarantees with pregnancy or anything else. So I'm going to keep praying for the health and safe delivery of this baby. I take nothing for granted. Thank you God, so very much <3 adulthood="adulthood" and="and" are="are" babies="babies" beyond.....because="beyond.....because" both="both" can="can" dan="dan" healthy="healthy" i="i" in="in" into="into" keep="keep" life.="life." matter="matter" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" of="of" only="only" our="our" p="p" please="please" raise="raise" really="really" safe="safe" so="so" that="that" the="the" things="things" this="this" those="those" we="we">

Her shirt says, "I'm the big sister"

It's A Coming....

My anatomy scan is Friday at 1pm. Gulp. Exciting, right? Yes, of course it's exciting. But also nerve wracking. This is THEE big scan. This one looks at the baby's brain, face, limbs, kidneys, heart-you get the drift. Basically, it looks at all parts necessary for life. So I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm apprehensive. I can't wait. I haven't seen my baby since eleven weeks. I will be 20 weeks on Sunday.

Way less importantly than the baby's hopefully normal growth and development, I'm hoping we can find out if we are having a boy or a girl. I don't really care *that* much what we have (although I do have a slight preference), I just want. to. know. So I can stop referring to s/he as "it".

Please send us good vibes and well wishes. We just want a healthy baby <3 br="br">