Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Sometimes Things Just Dont Work.

Given my past issues with infertility, this is probably surprising...but sometimes I forget that some people remain childless (biologically speaking) no matter what they do, no matter how hard they try, how much money they spend on the most aggressive treatments.

The thing is, fertility treatments have become more main-streamed, more talked about...and there's so much more available now than ever before (although lets face it...infertility is still not talked about enough). There's more options, more protocols, more everything. There's payment plans now and fertility "deals" and "packages". At my specialist's office, there are even holiday specials. More insurance plans are at least partially covering some sort of fertility care. Hell, I was one of the lucky ones. My insurance covered three IVF's. It covered the meds, the appointments, blood work, ultrasounds. The only thing we had to pay for was the freezing of our last little (Hayden) embryo. Yes. I was **very** lucky.

And all these things are wonderful. More and more women are fulfilling their dreams of having children, of carrying their babies. Out of all my infertile friends (and I have collected quite a few...well actually, it's really that the more you talk about infertility, the more common you realize it is), all of them (ALL!!!!!) have at least one child or are pregnant.

What an amazing thing. What a beautiful thing. It's breathtaking to think about all the children who wouldn't be here, but for medicine, science and the by the grace of God. All these beautiful souls...

But with so many success stories all around, it's hard to remember that sometimes, once in awhile, specialists cannot heal every life, cannot give a couple (or person) what they have been dreaming of for possibly their whole life.

Gonal-F does not fix all problems. Progesterone doesn't help save all pregnancies. Eating a low carb diet does not make PCOS go away. IVF is not a sure-fire guarantee.

Sometimes treatments fail. Over and over again. And sometimes people keep persevering-like my sister-in-law, who went through four or five rounds of IVF before getting her miracle baby.

But sometimes perseverance isn't enough. And I forget this. I forget that some things just can't be fixed. And that trying over and over again still doesn't make it happen. And I guess I'm just acknowledging this...even though I don't know why.

My dad had a knee replacement two weeks ago. I went to visit him in the hospital and there was a very nice nurse there who was about 45. She showed us pictured of her dogs and my mom asked if she had any children (a question I tend to stay away from). She replied no, that she and her husband had never been able to conceive. My mom asked if she had went to Dr. K (my specialist; mom! zip it!). The nurse responded that they had gone and tried for a long time, but in the end there wasn't much Dr. K could do for them. And then she said, "I'm ok with it...I'm not even mad at God anymore".

And that was my wake-up call. I knew I was lucky before. But I lost sight of how lucky. Because not everything can be fixed. Going through the hells of treatment does not guarantee you a baby, even if you are more than deserving.

So I guess she just resonated so much with me that I wanted to acknowledge that struggle. I don't know how she came to a place of peace, because I don't know how I would have done it. I can only hope that there's less and less women who seek treatment to no avail, who purge their wallets and time and put their bodies through a hormonal wind storm and end up with empty arms. These women deserve to be acknowledged. Because they did all they could. They tried and tried. They wept and prayed. And it didn't happen. And how do they swallow such a bitter pill. How do they move on? How do they let go of the bitterness? I just don't know. Maybe it's because they know they did all they could. I hope there is some peace in that...


  1. Well said! Our best friends are going through infertility and my heart aches for them. Thank goodness for modern medicine!

  2. They will be so lucky to have you guys while going through it! Your knowledge of the procedures (and feelings that go with infertility) and compassion will be such a strength to them!