Packing....Then and Now.

We all know life changes after having kids...whether you have one, two or19 like the Duggars. Whatever. Life changes. Most of the changes are for the better. Most are wonderful. But there are concessions too: Free time, going to the bathroom alone, stretch marks, leisurely travel without being terrified of the next meltdown (you know, where you can actually listen to music or read a good book)....and your OWN luggage and carry-on. Your own-as in...not having to share with your offspring.

Pre-kid, my suitcase would be filled to the brim with tank tops and skirts and dresses and impractical shoes, loads of jewelry, makeup and even my hair straightener.

Post-kid: I have 4 pairs of pants, a couple rough and tumble shirts, two bras, underwear that needs updating, a necklace if I am lucky, sneakers, a few flip flops, and a vial of mascara. "All this" for a one month trip.

My carry-on bag is even sadder--er--kid friendly. Pre-Kid: water (back when water wasn't a weapon), some mints, a Luna bar, I-Pod (pre-I phone era), magazines (a huge selection) and two-three books.

Post-kid: a change of clothes for Alex, jammies, sippy cups, kid-friendly snacks, board books, lolly pops (to equalize ear pressure), children's Tylenol, two blankies, Strawberry Shortcake dolls, My Little Ponies, a sticker book, crayons, diapers and wipes.

What do I now have in my carry-on bag that is my own, or for my own personal use? Imodium (hey-it's a 16 hour flight from Texas to Brisbane!), my phone and my wallet. So yes. Life changes.

I'll probably bring my Nook. Although, I fully expect to not be able to read anything I download. See-it's different for women. Dan, he can tune everything out and get absorbed in a book or magazine. I, on the other hand, have one ear open for the first minuscule sign of grumpiness or discontent. I can't relax, I'm always trying to circumvent any tantrum....prevention is key!

My advice to other parents of toddlers who have to travel long distances (air travel):
-Even if your child is under two, buy them a seat if you can! Most kids are comfortable in their car seat and less so on the lap for long periods
-Walking the aisles may not work out well...despite thinking that a change of scenery will keep your kid from getting too ornery. Once they walk the aisle-they will NEVER want to go back to their seat. Beware!
-Lollipops for toddlers-helps with ear pressure on landing and can be very distracting for a whining child
-Stickers. Need I say more?
-Avoid the red-eye. Kids never sleep when they are "supposed to" while traveling. There is a good possibility that taking a red-eye will just make them crankier.
-Buy a Go Go Baby car seat thingy. Look it up. Beats a stroller any time for airport travel
-Snacks snacks snacks!
-It's costly, but if you can, buy a Tablet for your kid and get their favorite shows. It's baby crack.
-Mini Magna-Doodle is always a winner with us
-Layer the clothes
-Don't even try to stick to potty training when traveling...at least not until you get to your destination

That's all I can think of for now. We've taken Alex to Florida two times and this will be our third time taking her to Australia. We've kind of accrued tips and pointers.

And despite having to share my luggage and carry-on, I'm super excited for this trip and secretly love the fact that I'm toting all of Alex's stuff too :)

Jumping on...

Jumping on with a quick update for now...kind of taking a semi-break from blogging. I think I just need to not think much about babies right now. Which means not really writing about them as well.

But, I haven't written in awhile, so I thought an update was overdue.

I had my follow-up with my urologist about a week-and-a-half ago and have been given the "all clear" to begin trying for a baby again! Which means, come August, when we get home from Australia, we will be doing our first FET. If that doesn't work, I hope to do our next fresh round in September.

SCHOOL IS OUT for summer....which means no work for me until September 4th. I had a pool party here yesterday for the last day of school. Was VERY fun and the weather was perfect. But man--I'm dragging today!

My sister and her boyfriend are coming into town today to pick up our cat--who is staying with them while we are gone. So they will be spending the night. My parents are coming over too and we plan to swim more, have a cook out and enjoy a movie in the theater room ;)

AND...we leave for Australia on Wednesday. No, I have not started packing. I'm still unpacking our house! I'm feeling way way way behind, but we'll get it all done.

See. Short and sweet. :)

SO Blah.

Well, the title about sums up what this post is going to be like. If you don't want to be privy to my pity party, I suggest you stop reading.

I'm not even going to try to be entertaining. I feel so "blah". It's like I have all this numbness and disappointment and jealousy all rolled up into a ball-which is sitting on my chest.

I'm sick of thinking about babies. Of wanting babies. Why can't I be content with one? I'm sick of seeing other people have babies. Last week, my friend had her baby-a boy. Then another girl-a friend from high school who I only have contact with through FB--she had her second baby. I didn't even know she was pregnant!

I have a baby shower at work on Friday and my other friend from college is due any day now. But the icing on the cake is an old friend (a rather contentious relationship, but I won't go there), just had a second baby--a little boy. Didn't know she was pregnant either. I'm surrounded.

And the reality has set in. I will not be able to do another IVF or FET before we leave for Australia. It is June 6th, we leave the 27th. My period has not come yet. No way I'll be fitting that in. So yet another month goes by. More time passing. There's no way my children will be three years apart now. I'll be lucky if I have them 3 1/2 years apart. Extremely lucky. And that's where the pressure comes from. The more time that goes by, the further the age gap gets. And that just makes me sad for Alex. I feel like I'm disappointing her, even though she has no idea about any of this.

I keep telling myself that we can be happy with one. And I'm sure we would be. But there's this grief over possibly not having another. And it's a grief that I need to acknowledge. The two things that make me the most sad about maybe not having another child are that I really want Alex to grow up with a sibling...and that I won't ever get to experience all the stages again.

Why can't I have an "oops"?  Why can't I just show up at the fertility specialist's office and...SURPRISE! You're pregnant after all?

I know it's too early to be talking like this. Heck--we only did one round of IVF. But I thought we would have 2 or 3 under our belt by now. But timing did not work out with my kidney stones and infection. I am trying to stay positive and think that maybe this all happened for a reason. Maybe "our" child was not ready yet...maybe we're still waiting for s/he.

I know we'll be happy with just one. I just feel bad for Alex. That's the big part. And that's the part that I don't know how to reconcile. I turned 32 on June 1st. Thought I'd be done having babies by my 32nd birthday.

As for good news...we moved into our new house AND I only have 12 more days of work until September!