Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Most Babies Make It....

Most babies make it...but the reality of the situation is...some babies do not :(

I've been putting off this post for a few days. If  you're currently pregnant, you may not want to continue reading. No reason to make yourself more paranoid than you probably already are (not criticizing. I was the MOST paranoid pregnant woman ever).

My good friend "T" is 42. She has never been married. She has wanted a child desperately for years now. She would be such an amazing mother. She tried going the adoption route, only to have the baby boy she had from 6 weeks old to one year old taken away and put back with his scum bag biological family. Because the current trend is to put babies back with their biological families whenever possible. And from what I see, a lot of times it's not a good choice. But anyway. She suffered heartbreak there.
She lost a baby.

I convinced her to see my fertility specialist, to see Dr. K. We both knew she was up against steep odds with her age. But what the hell-why not try. She went through three rounds of IVF with donor sperm. Nothing took. She was on her last round this past fall, and decided that this would be it if nothing happened. She got pregnant. She was so cautious for so long, given her age. But gradually, she became more and more excited.

I'd see T at work every Wednesday and we would talk about our pregnancies for hours. We would text each other after OB appointments-she ended up going to the same doctor I see.

T made it to 37 weeks. Full term. A healthy, beautiful baby that she was going to name Addison Catherine. Her nickname would be Addie.

T  had stopped feeling the baby moving this past Saturday. She went into the doctor's office and they could not find the heart beat via doppler. The ultrasound confirmed fetal death. At 37 weeks. T had to be induced and had to do the unthinkable-deliver a dead infant. The official cause of death was placental abruption caused by blood clots in a section of the placenta.

I can't imagine. I feel sick. I feel guilty (despite knowing this has nothing to do with me and is not about me). This was pretty much her last chance at parenthood. I physically ache for T.

We went through our pregnancies together. We were going to have time off together and our daughters were going to grow up together. We live in the same school district-they were going to be in kindergarten together.

We went through the IVF experience together. We went through infertility together. We talked about our fears and cried when we got negative tests.

How did this happen?

The worst part is...they were going to take the baby out via emergency C-section three weeks ago because they lost her heart beat when T was being monitored. They assumed she had been wrapped in the cord and that, when she became untangled, her heart beat started again. Now I'm thinking it was the start of the placental issue. Why the hell didn't they take her? She would have maybe spent a month in the NICU-but would have been alive. T was literally stripped down and being wheeled into the operating room when Addie's heart beat came back. Obviously there was something wrong. Why didn't they just take her?????

I'm just devastated for her. She's lost two babies. How can anyone come back from that?

Say a little prayer for my friend...she needs it right now.

And please God, protect my babies and our whole family. Life is precious.


  1. i just stumbled on your blog. your friend is in my heart. I will never understand loss like that or why it even happens. my heart breaks for her.

  2. Thank you for your thoughts. It just seems so senseless.