Tuesday, July 2, 2013

I Was Kind of an A-Hole.

So on Friday, my friend, Karen, had a Tastefully Simple Party. They are always a lot of fun and a small group of us always end up staying late, finishing off the food and drinking the wine.

Anyway, have you ever gone to a party and there's that one person who's just kind of obnoxious about their beliefs? They think they are right and get all up on their soap box during what should be a fun, leisurely get-together? I hate those people. Those people that make parties serious and kill the mood. Ugh. I usually stay far away. Hell, I don't get to parties very often these days-last thing I want to do is get all serious.

Well. I became that person. The mood killer. I was kind of an obnoxious asshole. I know...who would have thunk it. The thing is, I don't really care because I still think I'm right...making me even more of an asshole.

I just couldn't ignore this conversation-a conversation had between two young women (like 22-24'ish) who have never tried getting pregnant (that I know of), never had a pregnancy loss and, in all likelihood, will not have problems conceiving.

They were talking about "someday" when they have kids. About all the great, wholesome things they will do (never drink Diet Coke while pregnant, kid will never watch TV, water birth, etc.). Then the one starts in on home birth and the fact that it has such a bad rap and that she'd really like to try it and (of course) without pain meds.

So I'm listening, listening, listening...drinking some wine. This is clearly some Utopian thing that they have envisioned without truly researching. I mean, "of course" they will have a mid-wife...and apparently that would be enough to make sure everything goes as planned.

So finally, I couldn't hold back. I tell them about my two vaginal (medicated) births...how BOTH times, there were heart rate decelerations because of the cord being somewhat compressed while the babies were going through the birth canal. I told them how the nurses came in and made me turn from side to side to alleviate some of that pressure on the cord. How it fixed things with Alex just fine....but with Hayden, they were seriously considering an emergency C-section when I was finally able to push her out. She's healthy now, developing perfectly normally (knock on wood)-but she was in the NICU for four days for "transitioning issues". No one knows why? It could have been because she was in distress during labor...who knows?

So I concluded-what if I had been at home and needed an emergency C-section right at that moment? I wouldn't have gotten one, mid-wife there or not. What if I hadn't been monitored during labor? What if I didn't know to change positions? Hayden's cord was wrapped around her body-something could have happened and it's only by the grace of God that everything turned out ok. But she was in distress-I was where I needed to be-in the hospital!

These girls were so young...so full of themselves without doing any research. Home birth sounded good to them, is the "in" thing....trendy. They've never carried a baby though, and worried everyday about the health of that baby. They've never lost a baby, miscarried a baby. They have never loved something as much as they will when they are pregnant. They just have no idea. At least be informed before spouting your views.

Well...the girls then started spouting about how women have had babies for thousands of years and that they had them in their homes or in the middle of fields. Of course, they glossed over the fact that the infant/mother mortality rate was sky high as well.

And I did it then. I was the jerk who used another's tragedy to make my point. I've still been so shaken up about my friend T and her lost baby girl that I lost it myself. I told them about my friend having to deliver a dead baby. About how she will never, *never* be the same. How she's lost her child, she's a mother without her baby. That's a grief that will never, ever leave her. And WHY would they want to risk anything happening to their future babies because they want as little medical assistance as possible???? Fine-don't have medical assistance-just be in a hospital in case you need it! So it's there! So your baby will have every chance of making it. Because the tragic fact is-not all babies make it.

Of course, the mood was killed for awhile. And I hated being the cause of it. I'm so not that person. A party is really not the place to be discussing such things. But dang-I wanted to bitch slap those women.

I certainly don't mean to be disrespectful to women who chose home birth. I just don't believe it is safe. So much can go wrong. And seeing T's pain of having lost her precious baby...why would anyone want to risk anything going wrong if they can possibly prevent it???? I'm sure some women want to home birth for good reasons (though I still don't think it's safe) but some women do it because they feel they have something to prove, part of the mompetition. To them...I say....get the hell over yourselves.

So I guess it's angry post day today...sorry....but I still think I'm right ;)

1 comment:

  1. I also struggle with homebirth. Great if you want to do it but seriously people. If I would have had a home birth, I probably would have lost my lady bits or may not have been alive (yes, drastic but plausible). After successfully delivering Ava, my placenta broke into pieces and I started losing a lot of blood and fast. I am so happy to have been at the hospital with my doctor. He prevented me from going into surgery even though there was discussion about the OR being ready.

    If I am able to get pregnant a second time rather naturally or FET, I will be in the hospital. No question about it!

    Besides I bet those girls change there mind when it comes time to have their own child.