Phewwww!

I survived my first "forced" separation from Alex overnight. Ok, "forced" is a little bit extreme. Dan just had to convince me that it would be good to get away. And it was. And much more important than me surviving, Alex not only survived but she also had a great time with her grandparents! Score!

Alex actually did extremely well. She didn't seem too upset when we left (thank God, because then I would have felt like shit all day) and was very well behaved for my parents. I think that they really enjoyed the time with her as well.

As for us, we had a great time at the wedding! We were able to just cut loose and not worry about anything (well, ok...there were several phone calls home to make sure things were still going well). It was really great for us...just to be together and socializing and living it up into the night (and into the morning, till about 4am to be exact). Now I am not eager to leave Alex again overnight and am VERY happy that we don't need to anytime in the foreseeable future, but I also need to try to remember how important (crucial really) it is to be able to spend time with one's spouse away from the kids. Time away where you don't have to relate as parents or home owners, etc. Anyway, it was just awesome. I think we both feel refreshed and even more connected <3

And by the way-the wedding was CRAZY! I mean, not only were there a bunch of party animals there-but the whole wedding was off the hook. An absolutely FANTASTIC cocktail hour complete with martini bar, wonderful music and a WHOLE ROOM filled with tables of dessert. Yeah, those people know how to throw a wedding!

Glad to be home though <3

 Alex cheesing for the camera

 The wedding; that's my hubby doing a reading

 Having all sorts of fun <3

It Had To Happen Sometime...(gulp)

Yes. It had to happen. I just didn't think it would happen quite yet. I'm talking about the first over-nighter. That is, the first night where I am actually away from Alex. For the entire night. And to make matters worse, Dan will be too. Ugh. I haven't been away from Alex for longer than 10 hours. And I have no desire to leave her overnight just yet.

It's one of those weird things that I would have scoffed at pre-kid. I would most definitely have rolled my eyes (secretly of course) at a friend who was experiencing such anxiety over spending a night away from the kids. A teeny part of me would probably have been irritated with said friend and I would have boasted about how I wouldn't let a pint size tyke take over my whole life. Ha! What a laugh! Parenthood changes EVERYTHING!

So no more being self-righteous and know-it-all'ish from me. Being a parent equals worry. Especially when the parent is not the one in control. Anyway...Dan and I are going to our friends', Sully & Lauren's, wedding. Not only is it a five hour drive, but it's out-of-state. Another thing that I'm not crazy about. So not only am I leaving my baby overnight, but I'll be further away than ever from her. Ugh.

It should be fun, right? This is good for us, right? It's good for us to get out and socialize and have fun and imbibe a little, right? It's good to take the "us" time and to not have our WHOLE life centered around the baby, right? Please tell me that this is a good thing?!

Just to note...my parents are coming to our house to stay with Alex. So she'll be in her own house, with her own toys, in her own bed. I should just chill, right?  My sister and I survived childhood. We're *mostly* ok. I'm supposed to be reassured, but man, I'm just kind of dreading the weekend. Honestly, I can't wait until it is over. I can't wait for this time next week. I keep telling my mom, "It's me...not you" by way of explaining my anxiety. Kind of feels like I'm breaking up with someone. Ugh.

Some more camp pics...

 Our weekend art project <3

 Getting ready to go on the boat in her completely clashing outfit...

 Taking a swim after the ride

Only An Infertile...

So I went to the grocery store today for some "can't live without" basics: whole milk (for Alex), apple juice (for Alex) and yogurt (for Alex...notice the pattern?). While there, I realized that I was almost out of tampons. Another must need item, since the wicked witch is currently here. So I'm heading back for the check-out lines and notice that my favorite brand of pregnancy test, First Response Early Response (better known as FRER to those in the know), was on sale. Well hell...why not get a box, or two. Who cares if there are three in a box. I know that one way or another, they will be used! Also, do you think it's sad that I have a "favorite" brand of HPT? Most women probably grab the first box they see....or the cheapest.

Anyway, I digress. So I'm checking out and have the tampons together with the other non-perishables, i.e. the pregnancy tests. I swear, the look that the mid-30's female cashier gave me was priceless. Equal parts pity and questioning. It was like she wanted to pat my shoulder and say, "Honey, let me explain to you how things work"...

So there you go. Only an infertile would buy tampons and box(ES) of pregnancy tests at the same time. Because you know, a typical woman might actually wait until she *missed* her period to take a test. Not an infertile. Not me. I start testing at 10 dpo IF I can hold out that long! I have also been known to test out a trigger shot. You know. Just to MAKE SURE that a potentially positive test was not due to a left over trigger. Just another way that infertility makes you *appear* a little wacky to outsiders. Little do they know that there is logic behind our madness!

Here are some pics of our recent play date with Alex's "cousins", Rylee and Reese

Three Months!

Roughly three months to go until we *definitely* go back to our fertility clinic! It seems like so much time, but I know that it will pass quickly-especially with our trip back to Australia this July. I feel disappointed that we did not go back to treatments earlier. Heck, we had our consultation last September. I was planning to go back then. I even had the *very* dreaded HSG (for a second time) in October...which, incidentally, is way easier once you have a baby. But alas, here we are nine months later. We were supposed to get started in September...but life happened. Job demands, hectic schedules, plans, obligations. And really, I wasn't ready. I have loved my time with just Alex (and Dan). I'm so glad that we have just been able to enjoy being a family of three...but I still wonder about "what might have been".

I guess I just worry that it will take a long time once we do go back for treatments, and that there will be a huge age gap between Alexandra and the next child. I want her to have a buddy, a companion, a best friend. I want her to have a playmate and a confidante. I want that for my child. I hope I can give it to her. And then reality crashes in and I realize that I should be less worried about a big age gap and more worried about actually being able to give Alex a sibling :(

So I don't know if we were right in waiting. The thought enters my head that if we actually started ttc after our consultation, we might be about ready to have a baby. That makes me equal parts wistful and semi-relieved. I'm not quite ready for Alexandra to be the older sibling...but I want so badly for her to have a sibling who is close enough in age to be going through the same life experiences. And to share those life experiences.

I hope we did the right thing in waiting. I hope I don't have any regrets.

And on a happier note..some pics of the little monkey :) It's been hot here...95+ degrees. We've spent most of the day outside!

 Alex's new playhouse. Might just be the best purchase ever! She loved going in and out of the door

 Making a mid-afternoon snack for mommy

 Little monkey

 Making sure there's no mail in there

She loves her little cottage!