...My period is well and truly here :( She came full blast on Thursday, which was only cycle day 20 (well, actually cycle day 1 now).
I was so hoping that I would spot for awhile, as I often spot for 5 or 6 days beforehand. Nope. Wasn't happening. And funny enough (well, actually, NOT so funny), getting my period on Thursday was probably the WORST day to get it to ensure that I wouldn't be able to start injections this cycle. Doesn't it just figure? How's that for luck?
I even tried calling my fertility center to explain the situation to see if they could do anything-squeeze me in only a few days earlier, or loan me medications until mine come in. No can do. They have new protocols and would probably want me to begin injections on cd 3. Which is...oh yeah....TODAY.
Damn you PCOS! You have won this battle, but I plan to kick your ass next time (knock on wood because God forbid I jinx myself, as I am an especially superstitious infertile)!
On a funny side note....Dan and I saw the new Harold and Kumar Christmas movie and Harold and his wife were TTC. Apparently they had been trying for a year. Well, in the opening scene the wife was saying that they needed to "get busy" because she was ovulating. And then-miraculously THE NEXT DAY-which happened to be Christmas Day-she was waving around a positive pregnancy test-LOL! If only you could ovulate one day and get a positive test the next day. No more two week waits-sounds like a pretty sweet deal!
Showing posts with label Infertilty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infertilty. Show all posts
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Cycle Day 1
Oh yeah. I'm back to actually keeping track of my days! So today was the first day of my cycle and I am both happy and annoyed, lol. Annoyed because that means that my cycle was only 23 days long (not great IF there was a little embryo trying to implant), which makes me think that my progesterone is low and I probably did not ovulate. But I'm not too bummed out. Even if my progesterone is low-which is common with PCOS-my fertility doctor will give me supplemental progesterone and hopefully that will be that. No worries (knock on wood, because God forbid I jinx myself)!
I'm also happy that today is CD1 because that means that, when we go back to the doctor on December 6th, I should be around CD 25. WHICH MEANS...if my period is following the same pattern (never a given with PCOS), I should not only be able to have my consultation BUT also my baseline ultrasound to begin treatments RIGHT AWAY! Hopefully this means that I do not have to wait weeks to get my period to start the baseline. So fingers crossed....I could use some good wishes and *awesome timing* vibes :) For those of you who aren't familiar with baseline ultrasounds, they must be done between CD 1-3. If you miss that window, you pretty much have to wait until your next cycle. That's why timing is so important and why I hope to be able to have my consultation and baseline all at once.
In other news...I've been feeling better lately. I just have to acknowledge my feelings and that it's ok to be worried and sad and anxious. I'm just trying to remember that worrying won't actually do me a bit of good. It's basically wasted energy. Easier said than done, though. I'm really trying not to set myself up for disappointment by hoping and thinking that we will get pregnant on my first injectable and IUI cycle, just because it happened that way last time. Would I absolutely love that? Of course. But I just want to *try* and take a wait and see attitude. If there is one thing I learned, it is that **only God knows the reasons for when and how a child is conceived**.
For example, I have seen so many *perfect* cycles not yield a pregnancy (for myself and others) and I've also seen not-so-great cycles surprise everyone with a pregnancy. My own personal example is that I had not responded well to the injections on the cycle I got pregnant with Alex. They had given me too low a dose and for awhile, it didn't look like I was going to have any mature eggs. They even discussed canceling the cycle when it looked as if only one egg *might* be mature. I said "heck no"! If there is one egg, I want to give it a shot (no pun intended). Turns out, that one egg was my baby girl. I thank God everyday that we chose to go ahead with the cycle.
So you just never know how or when or why. Even on your less than perfect cycles, try not to lose hope. And I guess....try not to rationalize the why's and why nots. I've come to believe that every star has to be in alignment for a pregnancy to occur. So I am hoping to wait patiently for that time to occur, and pray that the time will come and that we get pregnant with the child who is meant to be ours <3
Here are some fun pictures of our play date at an AWESOME bouncy house with my friend's sons, Jack and Owen. Courtney had a really tough time getting preggo with Jack and had been trying for about one year (she was diagnosed with PCOS). She was a week away from her consultation with a fertility specialist when she found out she was preggo :) And she is one of those lucky PCOS'ers who had no trouble getting pregnant the second time around. I guess these people DO exist and are not just a product of infertility urban legends! As for the bouncy house- Let me tell you-they didn't have this type of stuff when I was a kid!!!
I'm also happy that today is CD1 because that means that, when we go back to the doctor on December 6th, I should be around CD 25. WHICH MEANS...if my period is following the same pattern (never a given with PCOS), I should not only be able to have my consultation BUT also my baseline ultrasound to begin treatments RIGHT AWAY! Hopefully this means that I do not have to wait weeks to get my period to start the baseline. So fingers crossed....I could use some good wishes and *awesome timing* vibes :) For those of you who aren't familiar with baseline ultrasounds, they must be done between CD 1-3. If you miss that window, you pretty much have to wait until your next cycle. That's why timing is so important and why I hope to be able to have my consultation and baseline all at once.
In other news...I've been feeling better lately. I just have to acknowledge my feelings and that it's ok to be worried and sad and anxious. I'm just trying to remember that worrying won't actually do me a bit of good. It's basically wasted energy. Easier said than done, though. I'm really trying not to set myself up for disappointment by hoping and thinking that we will get pregnant on my first injectable and IUI cycle, just because it happened that way last time. Would I absolutely love that? Of course. But I just want to *try* and take a wait and see attitude. If there is one thing I learned, it is that **only God knows the reasons for when and how a child is conceived**.
For example, I have seen so many *perfect* cycles not yield a pregnancy (for myself and others) and I've also seen not-so-great cycles surprise everyone with a pregnancy. My own personal example is that I had not responded well to the injections on the cycle I got pregnant with Alex. They had given me too low a dose and for awhile, it didn't look like I was going to have any mature eggs. They even discussed canceling the cycle when it looked as if only one egg *might* be mature. I said "heck no"! If there is one egg, I want to give it a shot (no pun intended). Turns out, that one egg was my baby girl. I thank God everyday that we chose to go ahead with the cycle.
So you just never know how or when or why. Even on your less than perfect cycles, try not to lose hope. And I guess....try not to rationalize the why's and why nots. I've come to believe that every star has to be in alignment for a pregnancy to occur. So I am hoping to wait patiently for that time to occur, and pray that the time will come and that we get pregnant with the child who is meant to be ours <3
Here are some fun pictures of our play date at an AWESOME bouncy house with my friend's sons, Jack and Owen. Courtney had a really tough time getting preggo with Jack and had been trying for about one year (she was diagnosed with PCOS). She was a week away from her consultation with a fertility specialist when she found out she was preggo :) And she is one of those lucky PCOS'ers who had no trouble getting pregnant the second time around. I guess these people DO exist and are not just a product of infertility urban legends! As for the bouncy house- Let me tell you-they didn't have this type of stuff when I was a kid!!!
Alexandra was in ball heaven!
In one of the little kid bouncy houses
She loves dogs!!!
Having fun on the car ride...but she almost mowed over two kids...
My daughter has a MAJOR obsession with buses at the moment...she she was on this for awhile...and did not want to share, lol.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
To Be The Infertility Nazi Or Not...
I like to think that I am pretty open about our experiences with medical assistance. I also like to think that I am pretty open about our fertility issues in general; and this was more difficult than I thought it would be. That, of course, goes back to feelings of shame/inadequacy...completely useless emotions to have about something you have no control over. Everyone (most everyone, as perceived by an infertile) wants to lay claim to being some hyper-fertile goddess. Heck, isn't that why we are put on earth...to procreate? To repopulate the earth? To pass our genes on? To pass our beliefs on? Reality can be pretty nasty if this uber-fertile vision does not come to fruition.
Anyway, I try to walk a fine line between lending support to people in similar situations/providing some actual fact-based knowledge versus beating people over the head with all topics fertility related. Lets face it, I don't want to come off as "that woman" who gets all fired up whenever babies or ttc are mentioned. I don't want to sound like I'm reciting a Wikipedia page, despite the fact that I have entirely too much knowledge about all things fertility related.
I need to reconcile the fact that few people have the knowledge that I have about fertility. This sounds arrogant, I know. But I know this stuff because the *need* was there, not because I am extra intelligent or anything. A typical person does not need to know half the stuff that I had to learn. They don't know about charting, or even what BBT means. They have no idea that cervical mucus even exists or that your cervix can be high or low, firm or soft, depending on where you are in your cycle. Heck, these people would never dream to *check* the position of their cervix. Lucky them. Seriously.
Anyway, the purpose behind this long winded post is to really just complain. Complain because I am no longer naive; complain because I cannot be blissfully unaware like most people I encounter. Lucky them again. I was in the faculty room today eating lunch. The subject went to Kate Middleton and how she better be fertile-or else. Somehow or other, the topic went from that to women getting pregnant once they stopped trying. Ok, that's pet peeve myth #1. Of course, my teeth were instantly set on edge. Then, in a cruel fashion, someone piped in with: "Yeah, it's like when people adopt, they get pregnant right after".
I think my eyes were crossed by this point.
Point 1: No amount of relaxing will get you pregnant if you DO NOT OVULATE. Duh.
Point 2: That whole thing with adopting and then getting pregnant-that happens to maybe .00322 percent of the people that go the adoption route.
Point 3: Adoption is not a means to getting pregnant. It is unfair to think of adoption as a means to get a biological child (not to mention silly). Adoption is a wonderful gift on its own. Adding the whole pregnancy thing cheapens a miraculous gift.
So, the question was: Do I speak up or do I let things slide. Like I said, I'm pretty open about our experiences, if the situation calls for it. I don't shout it from the roof tops randomly or anything because I don't want infertility to define me, us. Well, the mood in the room was light and airy. A bunch of professionals having an easy-going lunch and gossiping...not trying to cause any harm or hurt. And as annoyed as I was about such silly ideas, I realized that it was not my place to dispel such asinine myths. At least, not at that moment. I was tempted. Oh yes I was. But in the end...they don't understand how silly they sound because they never had to (fortunately) walk a mile in the infertile's shoes. Basically, they don't know what they are talking about....so should we really care what they have to say??? And thus, I decided to keep quiet and enjoy a lunch with my colleagues. This time ;)
Anyway, I try to walk a fine line between lending support to people in similar situations/providing some actual fact-based knowledge versus beating people over the head with all topics fertility related. Lets face it, I don't want to come off as "that woman" who gets all fired up whenever babies or ttc are mentioned. I don't want to sound like I'm reciting a Wikipedia page, despite the fact that I have entirely too much knowledge about all things fertility related.
I need to reconcile the fact that few people have the knowledge that I have about fertility. This sounds arrogant, I know. But I know this stuff because the *need* was there, not because I am extra intelligent or anything. A typical person does not need to know half the stuff that I had to learn. They don't know about charting, or even what BBT means. They have no idea that cervical mucus even exists or that your cervix can be high or low, firm or soft, depending on where you are in your cycle. Heck, these people would never dream to *check* the position of their cervix. Lucky them. Seriously.
Anyway, the purpose behind this long winded post is to really just complain. Complain because I am no longer naive; complain because I cannot be blissfully unaware like most people I encounter. Lucky them again. I was in the faculty room today eating lunch. The subject went to Kate Middleton and how she better be fertile-or else. Somehow or other, the topic went from that to women getting pregnant once they stopped trying. Ok, that's pet peeve myth #1. Of course, my teeth were instantly set on edge. Then, in a cruel fashion, someone piped in with: "Yeah, it's like when people adopt, they get pregnant right after".
I think my eyes were crossed by this point.
Point 1: No amount of relaxing will get you pregnant if you DO NOT OVULATE. Duh.
Point 2: That whole thing with adopting and then getting pregnant-that happens to maybe .00322 percent of the people that go the adoption route.
Point 3: Adoption is not a means to getting pregnant. It is unfair to think of adoption as a means to get a biological child (not to mention silly). Adoption is a wonderful gift on its own. Adding the whole pregnancy thing cheapens a miraculous gift.
So, the question was: Do I speak up or do I let things slide. Like I said, I'm pretty open about our experiences, if the situation calls for it. I don't shout it from the roof tops randomly or anything because I don't want infertility to define me, us. Well, the mood in the room was light and airy. A bunch of professionals having an easy-going lunch and gossiping...not trying to cause any harm or hurt. And as annoyed as I was about such silly ideas, I realized that it was not my place to dispel such asinine myths. At least, not at that moment. I was tempted. Oh yes I was. But in the end...they don't understand how silly they sound because they never had to (fortunately) walk a mile in the infertile's shoes. Basically, they don't know what they are talking about....so should we really care what they have to say??? And thus, I decided to keep quiet and enjoy a lunch with my colleagues. This time ;)
Some friends and I after St. Paddy's Day. I am on the end, very un-festively dressed in black ;)
Friday, April 15, 2011
Well Thank You, Creepy Work Guy....
We all have them. Creepy colleagues. Those people that are probably pretty harmless, but still set your teeth on edge. Maybe they have poor hygiene, maybe they live off of Easy Mac and do nothing else in their spare time but play World of War-Craft, or perhaps they're "close talkers". But whatever the case, they're out there.
We have one at work. He's 37. Lives with his mother. Has chronic ear infections-which I know because he always makes my best friend, an RN, look in his ears. And often says inappropriate (or obnoxious) things whilst trying to be funny. No social skills. And probably destined to be a single man forever. I'll call him Bob. And it's not that we hate bob. It's not that we wish him any misfortune...we just don't want to be alone with Bob in a dark alley. Heck, we don't want to be alone with him in the faculty room.
So my friend and I were eating our lunches together today with a few other people. Bob was hanging around too. He tends to lurk. We call him "The Shadow" because you'll be in a private conversation with someone and he'll just turn up at your side...which is creepy because NO ONE hears him or sees him coming until he is there. Anyway-back to the story. Bob "shadowed" his way into our conversation.
We were talking about a wine tour, a bunch of us ladies. And out of the blue, as if it were a logical extension of the said conversation, Bob pipes in with: "Hey...you're gonna be pregnant by Christmas". Huh???!!! Dead silence. We're all confused. Some more silence. Some looks exchanges. It took me a second to realize he was talking to me. And I can assure you that I have never discussed my fertility status with Bob. I reply with, "Oh, ok...are you clairvoyant"? Now I really was saying it jokingly, not trying to be mean or anything. Bob comes back with "No...I just have these thoughts about things like this. I get a feeling when someone is about to get pregnant. I have been right six outta six times now". My first thought, and I'm sure all the infertiles can relate, was "Hey...maybe he's weird because he knows stuff...maybe I WILL be pregnant by Christmas". My second thought was, "He doesn't know shit". My third thought was "Ewww...I really don't want him thinking about me in any other context apart from work". But strangely, illogically, my overall emotion was hope. Hey...the world is mysterious, right???
So then, a woman at the table said..."yeah, I think you'll be pregnant this time next year...I have dreams about these types of things". She goes on to say, however, that she hasn't had a dream about me, specifically. Damn!
So I work with a bunch of nuts. Generally harmless (well, jury is still out on Bob), mostly fun and well meaning. But infertility has played games with my mind. It has made me illogical. I am now totally superstitious about ALL things baby related-which is worth another blog post on its own. So you can imagine the various things that have been going through my mind. And the ever present..."What if..." Today it was, "What if they know something? It could happen, couldn't it? Maybe they have some weird, cosmic connection to the universe..."
Anyway, thank you weird work guy and silly work woman. I don't know if I should be happy with your predictions or pissed off because now I'm probably jinxed. And such is the life of an infertile...analyzing everything-even crazy ramblings....
I guess we'll know by this time next year, as to how crazy they actually are...
We have one at work. He's 37. Lives with his mother. Has chronic ear infections-which I know because he always makes my best friend, an RN, look in his ears. And often says inappropriate (or obnoxious) things whilst trying to be funny. No social skills. And probably destined to be a single man forever. I'll call him Bob. And it's not that we hate bob. It's not that we wish him any misfortune...we just don't want to be alone with Bob in a dark alley. Heck, we don't want to be alone with him in the faculty room.
So my friend and I were eating our lunches together today with a few other people. Bob was hanging around too. He tends to lurk. We call him "The Shadow" because you'll be in a private conversation with someone and he'll just turn up at your side...which is creepy because NO ONE hears him or sees him coming until he is there. Anyway-back to the story. Bob "shadowed" his way into our conversation.
We were talking about a wine tour, a bunch of us ladies. And out of the blue, as if it were a logical extension of the said conversation, Bob pipes in with: "Hey...you're gonna be pregnant by Christmas". Huh???!!! Dead silence. We're all confused. Some more silence. Some looks exchanges. It took me a second to realize he was talking to me. And I can assure you that I have never discussed my fertility status with Bob. I reply with, "Oh, ok...are you clairvoyant"? Now I really was saying it jokingly, not trying to be mean or anything. Bob comes back with "No...I just have these thoughts about things like this. I get a feeling when someone is about to get pregnant. I have been right six outta six times now". My first thought, and I'm sure all the infertiles can relate, was "Hey...maybe he's weird because he knows stuff...maybe I WILL be pregnant by Christmas". My second thought was, "He doesn't know shit". My third thought was "Ewww...I really don't want him thinking about me in any other context apart from work". But strangely, illogically, my overall emotion was hope. Hey...the world is mysterious, right???
So then, a woman at the table said..."yeah, I think you'll be pregnant this time next year...I have dreams about these types of things". She goes on to say, however, that she hasn't had a dream about me, specifically. Damn!
So I work with a bunch of nuts. Generally harmless (well, jury is still out on Bob), mostly fun and well meaning. But infertility has played games with my mind. It has made me illogical. I am now totally superstitious about ALL things baby related-which is worth another blog post on its own. So you can imagine the various things that have been going through my mind. And the ever present..."What if..." Today it was, "What if they know something? It could happen, couldn't it? Maybe they have some weird, cosmic connection to the universe..."
Anyway, thank you weird work guy and silly work woman. I don't know if I should be happy with your predictions or pissed off because now I'm probably jinxed. And such is the life of an infertile...analyzing everything-even crazy ramblings....
I guess we'll know by this time next year, as to how crazy they actually are...
Playing with her blocks and using poor Ivan as a pillow <3
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