Wednesday, May 4, 2011

To Be The Infertility Nazi Or Not...

I like to think that I am pretty open about our experiences with medical assistance. I also like to think that I am pretty open about our fertility issues in general; and this was more difficult than I thought it would be. That, of course, goes back to feelings of shame/inadequacy...completely useless emotions to have about something you have no control over. Everyone (most everyone, as perceived by an infertile) wants to lay claim to being some hyper-fertile goddess. Heck, isn't that why we are put on procreate? To repopulate the earth? To pass our genes on? To pass our beliefs on? Reality can be pretty nasty if this uber-fertile vision does not come to fruition.

Anyway, I try to walk a fine line between lending support to people in similar situations/providing some actual fact-based knowledge versus beating people over the head with all topics fertility related. Lets face it, I don't want to come off as "that woman" who gets all fired up whenever babies or ttc are mentioned. I don't want to sound like I'm reciting a Wikipedia page, despite the fact that I have entirely too much knowledge about all things fertility related.

I need to reconcile the fact that few people have the knowledge that I have about fertility. This sounds arrogant, I know. But I know this stuff because the *need* was there, not because I am extra intelligent or anything. A typical person does not need to know half the stuff that I had to learn. They don't know about charting, or even what BBT means. They have no idea that cervical mucus even exists or that your cervix can be high or low, firm or soft, depending on where you are in your cycle. Heck, these people would never dream to *check* the position of their cervix. Lucky them. Seriously.

Anyway, the purpose behind this long winded post is to really just complain. Complain because I am no longer naive; complain because I cannot be blissfully unaware like most people I encounter. Lucky them again. I was in the faculty room today eating lunch. The subject went to Kate Middleton and how she better be fertile-or else. Somehow or other, the topic went from that to women getting pregnant once they stopped trying. Ok, that's pet peeve myth #1. Of course, my teeth were instantly set on edge. Then, in a cruel fashion, someone piped in with: "Yeah, it's like when people adopt, they get pregnant right after".

I think my eyes were crossed by this point.
Point 1: No amount of relaxing will get you pregnant if you DO NOT OVULATE. Duh.
Point 2: That whole thing with adopting and then getting pregnant-that happens to maybe .00322 percent of the people that go the adoption route.
Point 3: Adoption is not a means to getting pregnant. It is unfair to think of adoption as a means to get a biological child (not to mention silly). Adoption is a wonderful gift on its own. Adding the whole pregnancy thing cheapens a miraculous gift.

So, the question was: Do I speak up or do I let things slide. Like I said, I'm pretty open about our experiences, if the situation calls for it. I don't shout it from the roof tops randomly or anything because I don't want infertility to define me, us. Well, the mood in the room was light and airy. A bunch of professionals having an easy-going lunch and gossiping...not trying to cause any harm or hurt. And as annoyed as I was about such silly ideas, I realized that it was not my place to dispel such asinine myths. At least, not at that moment. I was tempted. Oh yes I was. But in the end...they don't understand how silly they sound because they never had to (fortunately) walk a mile in the infertile's shoes. Basically, they don't know what they are talking should we really care what they have to say??? And thus, I decided to keep quiet and enjoy a lunch with my colleagues. This time ;)

Some friends and I after St. Paddy's Day. I am on the end, very un-festively dressed in black ;)


  1. LOL good for you... I am not sure I would've been able to keep my mouth shut- not just because it was really lame and complete nonsense but because they were just plain gossiping. I hate when people think that they can gossip because they are celebrities... they are real people too ya know... blech. Anyway, I know what you mean about having all this fertility knowledge and having to choose when to use it :) good job!

  2. I'll tell ya-it was tempting! But if I spouted off, I'd probably just end up being gossiped about after I left the room anyway, lol. It's just better to bite my tongue until the subject comes up naturally. I'd prefer talking about it to help someone else or educate someone, versus just talking about it because people were annoying me ;)