Two Years Ago...

Exactly two years ago, May 26, 2009, I found out that I was pregnant. I was shocked. I had already considered the cycle a failure. I convinced myself that the cycle was a bust in the way that only infertiles can do before the cycle is well from being over.

I was thrilled to see that positive home pregnancy test. But I was also scared and took the news with some reserve. I wanted to have that innocence that I used to have. I wanted to think that pregnancy was a sure way to a baby. After a lot of soul searching, I decided that I was going to celebrate the pregnancy and the life inside me for *however* long it existed. I knew that holding the joy at bay would not make it hurt any less if I were to lose the baby. So I bought "What to Expect When Expecting" and told the people closest to me. I celebrated. I let myself hope. I let myself dream. And I wore a St. Gerard medal around my neck from that point on for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Alexandra Eva is now 16 months old and, in my eyes, perfect. That pregnancy, that time, still seems surreal to me. It's hard to imagine something so awesome happening. But it does. Keep the hope <3

 Enjoying her popsicle