Lately I have been feeling a little bit guilty when I think about having another child. I've mostly worked through my guilt over wanting another baby when I had originally prayed to "Just have one healthy child". Now my guilt is about adding another baby to the family. Right now, Alexandra is the center of everything. She gets all the attention. I *know* that giving her a sibling would be an absolute gift-despite the various fights and arguments that will inevitably arise. I also think that it would be good for her to have a sibling as far as learning life lessons (to share, to compromise, etc.)...and I also want her to have a "life partner" of sorts. Someone she can travel through life with and be best friends with. And lets face it, Alex can't stay the absolute focus of everyone's attention for her whole life. That isn't healthy either.
So yes, I know all of these things. I, in my heart, feel that our family is not complete yet. But when I think about bringing a new baby home, my heart hurts a little bit for Alex because I know she will feel confused and will not understand why mom can't attend to her every need. So yeah-these feelings are a BIG surprise. I think the fact that we are getting so close to going back to our RE is bringing some of this up. The prospect of having another baby is thrilling, but a little bit scary too. I know that I really shouldn't be getting ahead of myself-since actually *getting* pregnant is not a sure thing for us. But still...I just wonder how it will be?