Musings of a Formerly-Infertile, Infertile Woman: It Comes Around Every Year...

Back to school season. I'm half anticipating it and half dreading it. Today is my last day of summer vacation. Tomorrow, our routine completely changes and I go back to work....and Alexandra goes to daycare for the first time. I'm excited for her. Excited for her to make friends and learn so many new things (it's more like a preschool program than a daycare). I'm excited for her to learn to share and solve problems and be part of a group. I'm excited for her to have some independence from us. It's exciting to think about her world changing...and opening up. Starting tomorrow, her world will get that much bigger and more diverse.

So yes, exciting stuff...but she's still my baby. I still worry about her and think no one can take care of her like us. I dread dropping her off and and leaving her, knowing that she will probably be confused and scared. I hope she understands, even if she is scared, that I will be back. There will be a lot of tears in the morning, on both our parts :( Heck, I'll probably start tonight!

But I think that we are doing the right thing. I feel that Alex would have been bored at home for another school year, with just the sitter to entertain her. She needs to be with peers, she needs to be challenged and stimulated on a different level. It was a difficult decision, to enroll her in the daycare program. I just hope that Alex comes to love it after the initial transition period.

And I have mixed feelings about going back to work. In a lot of ways I love my job. I like working with the kids, I love my colleagues-well most of them. I feel challenged and fulfilled. But I 'aint gonna lie: kids are coming from more and more difficult backgrounds. I never know who I will get in my office at the start of the year. It's a little unsettling, staring into the unknown. But I know I am lucky. I have a good job, a stable job. I have a job that allows me to virtually work half the year (182 days) and one that allows me to be home by four. That does leave me a lot of time with Alex, comparatively speaking. A lot of people don't have that...

Anyway, wish us luck. My main concern is that Alex is ok and thriving. This momma probably won't sleep that well tonight :/

P.S. I am hoping to call the fertility specialist this week and get a plan as to when I can begin medicated cycles-wooooohhhooooooo!