Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I'm An Addict...
I'm not making excuses (ok, it's kind of an excuse), but I think a lot of my desire to spoil Alex has to do with the fact that we tried for so long to conceive her. We went through so much worry, pain, fear and heartbreak in order to have our baby that I just want to give her the world...and giving to her gives me pleasure too.
The other thing is that I felt like I was on the "sidelines" for so long. So many of my friends were pregnant or had children while we spent two years trying. I would go to endless baby showers or go shopping with friends while they picked out adorable things for their babies. I so badly wanted to be able to do the same. It really was a very lonely place to be. But now I have what I dreamed about for so long, and it's hard to exercise self-control.
So I guess for now, we just enjoy our baby and I can let myself enjoy shopping for "her things". Really, it doesn't matter if I'm getting her clothes or teethers or safety proofing stuff-I love getting the stuff because it's a reaffirmation that I have someone to buy this stuff for. We have our long-awaited baby. And sometimes it still is a marvel to open our refrigerator door to see bottles lined up and little things of Gerber apple juice waiting. The first night we had Alex home-I remember just staring at the bottles in the fridge, not believing that we were finally on this journey!
It's crazy how sometimes I still find myself giddy and marveling that such a wonderful thing happened to us. I don't know why, but seeing the bottles and clothes and gear over-riding our house is somehow reassuring. Make sense at all? Anyway-I know there will come a day when Alexandra is older and more aware-a day when I can no longer enjoy "spoiling" her. I'm a school psychologist, I see what happens to children when they never hear the word "no". I do not want this to happen and don't think we would let it happen. But until she's more aware, I'm going to enjoy buying for my baby and, much more importantly, planning for her future and spending all the time I can with her because I know that babies grow into little people who grow into big people all too soon!
P.S. Can anyone tell me how to put pics after or within text?