Wednesday, May 26, 2010

May 26th!

The first test I took, one year ago today

One year ago today, I found out I was pregnant with Alex!!! We had finished an injectable cycle with IUI and timed intercourse. I was SURE that the cycle had failed because I felt no different. In fact, I had a major breakdown the day before I found out because I just *knew* that I would never get pregnant and adoption would take sooooo long and cost sooooo much money. I was beginning to feel hopeless. Yeah-it was a major breakdown-complete with hyperventilation and gulping sobs. Poor Dan...he probably had no idea what to do with me!

Anyway, I woke up on the 26th early because Dan was going on a business trip to NYC. I thought briefly of taking a test, but decided to not waste our time because, of course, it would be negative. So I felt I was better off getting some more shut-eye. I woke up about two hours later and decided to take a test. I was always a poas-aholic! So I took a First Response and I can truly say that I was not expecting anything. I think some of that hope and optimism had left me by that point in our fertility struggle. I cannot even tell you how shocked I was to see that faint pink line show up on the stick! I think I stared at it for five minutes, not doing anything, just staring. Then I began WAR DIALING Dan, who was still on the flight. I was about to burst by the time I was able to get a hold of him. But I was adamant that he would be the first to know. I couldn't even come up with a creative way of telling him-just blurted it out! He was happy, but cautious too, given our loss in December. I remember that day being surreal and wonderful and scary. I guess I could describe my whole pregnancy as surreal, wonderful and scary. But we have our baby girl, who is asleep upstairs for the moment-and I made sure to tell her today about how, one year ago, she was a little blob (but a cute blob) in mommy's stomach.

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