Okay....so I am not being bullied. I am NOT even comparing this to cyber bullying because it's basically my fault and because it's not something being *done* to me, it's what I am doing to myself. I use the cyber bullying analogy loosely to discuss the "everyone's pregnant" phenomena that is currently happening in my life.
It's happening at work. It's happening with friends. It's happening with acquaintances. It's happening with people I don't even care for....and now it's happening in my Play Room online forum. I can't escape it-even on the internet in my own home (which must be how some people feel about being bullied online-but on a much larger and significant scale)!
Now, I don't get to go into my PR that often. Between work and Dan and Alex, I just don't have the time I used to while I was on my maternity leave. But I have a feeling I may be there even less. Not because I don't like the women there-but because I have begun *counting* who is pregnant and who is not. This is not a good sign. This means I am getting into that mode of being preoccupied with NOT being pregnant. I need to cut myself off at the knees because it's a very slippery slope from being like this to crying every month when AF arrives. I really don't want to go there just yet...
I just wish I had a crystal ball that I could look into. That way I would know for sure whether we were going to have another baby. Either way, I think knowing would end this limbo. And I hate limbo. I remember saying that it was one of the worst things about ttc the first time around. Even if the answer were no, I would be heartbroken, but I would grieve and hopefully move ahead with a different plan. And if that same crystal ball showed us having another child, then I could just chill, wait, bide my time and not carry around this worry. Ahhhh, if only life were so neat.