Wednesday, April 20, 2011

PCOS and Mind Games

So as I reported a few weeks ago, we are NTNP'ing (not trying, not protecting). I figured that we would "ease" back into the baby making business.  And really, I didn't expect too much. But then it just happens. Before you know it, you begin paying attention to your cycle days more, begin scrutinizing your cm (if you don't know what that is an acronym for, you're probably better off), looking at the toilet paper and noticing every ache and pain and twinge in the ovary area. How does this happen? How does one go from not *really* trying to micro-analyzing bodily fluids?

PCOS. PCOS has completely f*cked with my mind. Before having Alex, I'd have super long menstrual cycles of between 60 and 90 days. And then, miracle of miracles, after having Alex, they became more regular. I thought that was interesting. Maybe even promising. But I didn't want to get too excited. But the thought crept in...maybe I will be one of those lucky women that urban legends in fertility circles (or rather, infertility circles) are created about...the woman who had soooooo much trouble getting pregnant the first time. But. The. Second. out! One try and on board!

But really. Does that ever actually *really* happen? I mean, it sounds good...but does anyone know of a pcos'er (in real life) that had no trouble getting pregnant a second, third or whatever time? I mean no trouble, none-whatsoever. I dunno-seems very urban legend'ish. But maybe I'm just in the bitter barn tonight.

Ok, so this month my CM seemed good; I had strange ovulation like twinges in my ovary and the husband and I got busy when all of those symptoms collided. I refuse to temp, knowing how neurotic it makes me, but I was feeling ok. Cautiously optimistic. My cycles have been fairly regular, so what the heck-maybe we'd get lucky.

Well guess who shows up, on CD 19 no less? Yes, that's right. Cycle Day 19. Yes-AF in all her nasty glory!  I even did the whole, "well maybe it's implantation bleeding". LOL. Let the craziness begin. At least I'm still in the stage where I can laugh at it. We'll see if that lasts when I'm doing two injections daily in the stomach.

So period seems to be coming regularly, just a bit more often. I wonder which way is better? Either way, I know that the medical assistance route is closing in, which is ok. Doesn't matter how the baby gets long as they get here and ARE healthy.And thank God for the technology that brings all these babies into the world.

But I just have to say...thanks for the tease, PCOS.

Now on a bright note...I have had the whole week off this week and have loved spending it with Alexandra. The weather has been rainy and dreary, but we've gone to the indoor mall playground one day and had a play date with my best friend's kids today. I'll miss being with Alex all day, come Monday. But thankfully I am in a profession where I basically only work half a year. And I will have all summer off starting June 24 until September 7th! CAN'T WAIT.  Here are some pics from today's play date.

 All three kids playing so nicely...for the moment ;)

 Alexandra, enjoying one of Rylee's birthday cupcakes.

 So innocent looking...this was about 20 seconds before the pushing started ;)

Love this pic <3


  1. awwwwww that sucks and at the same time can be funny.
    I have only had TWO 27 day cycles in my entire life! The first one was the one I conceived on so I didn't end up knowing it was a 27 day cycle until we found out I was pregnant.
    The second was when we were ttc and I was super excited thinking I was about to ovulate. I had broken down and used an expensive pregnancy test just because I wondered. After the bfn I was moody and disappointed in myself for giving in. I leaned over the bed (was making the bed) and then BAM it was the equivalent sensation to my water having broken. My daughter was standing there and her jaw dropped. "MOMMY! You're bleeding!" She pointed. It all happened so fast. I rushed to the bathroom and the day was ruined. I spent the next hour bawling into the phone about how shitty that was that I'd get AF only 10 minutes after wasting a pregnancy test! I said it was like my body saying, "HA HA! You think you've got me figured out! GOTCHA!" *facepalm* Lesson learned. I now refuse to take pregnancy tests until I'm pretty much sure I'm pregnant and ready to see a doctor. Too much heartache.

  2. Ahhhh....gotta love PCOS-she's a sneaky beast!