Not only is it raining babies in my life-but pregnancies too. They just keep popping up all over! And of course, it happens when I'm having an off week. Isn't that just the way?!
Facebook may possibly be the root of an infertile's sleepless nights, jealous rages and inconsolable crying jags. I signed onto Facebook this evening to see the standard "Baby number 2 is on its way...due April 2012!" from a girl I went to high school with. Her first child was born three months after my daughter. So of course I'm sitting there, doing the math and thinking that it's unfair that she is pregnant *again* when it is *my* turn because my daughter is older than hers. By all of three months. LOL. Even I have to laugh at my ridiculousness. It brings me back to the "old days" when I used to get so upset if couples who were married after us got pregnant before us. Things change and things stay the same...
And I also heard today that Michelle Duggar is expecting her 20th child. Awesome. Twenty kids. 2-0. And she is a grandmother too. I will not lie: I am totally envious of a 45 year old's fertility prowess, despite her 80's hair, squeaky voice and creepy husband. I may have sunken to a new low.
Ok, so I am trying to find the humor in my situation instead of living in the bitter barn, which is where I have been located for the last few days. I'm not quite out of that barn, but working on it. Reading that Facebook update may have set me back a little bit. And the whole 20 kids thing is messing with my head too. I think part of my problem is that my appointment is in four weeks (FOUR WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!!). And while 4 weeks isn't so long, waiting can be MUCH more difficult the closer you get to something.
Thank God for Alex. Thank God for Dan. I feel for all of you ladies going through this for the first time-still awaiting your first miracle. I appreciate and recognize that struggle. It is so hard to go through this all for a second time, but it does not compare to the fear and uncertainty that came with trying for the first child. I need to remember to keep things in perspective. We are blessed.
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yeah... i'm going through a funk too. I think its the upcoming holidays and the fact that once january rolls around it will be 3 years we have been trying I just want to crawl under a rock for a few months.
ReplyDeleteOh I have so been there! The holidays were always the absolutely worst time for me. I'm actually about to write a post about how I would try to avoid the stores at Christmas time when we were trying for number 1. There were many days when all I could do was cry (and I'm not much of a crier normally). As soon as the Christmas decorations hit the stores, my mood would just plummet.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can say that *might* help (not knowing your situation) is that things can change, literally, overnight. You never know what treatment or procedure will work (and I know that it feels like *nothing* will work, but something WILL). Sometimes it seems like fertility is so random...you will get there though. For now, do a lot of online shopping and drink a lot of (alcoholic) eggnog. Hey-whatever it takes to get you through the holidays in one piece. And know that others are going through this right now too. Despite how it feels, the world is not made up of the uber fertile. Sometimes it helps to know you're not alone ((hugs))
thanks for the kind words... I know i'm not alone but for some reason always feel that way. Lots of luck to you as your appointment gets closer.
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