Friday, November 4, 2011

Turns Out Creepy Work Guy Was Wrong :(

*Sigh* I just haven't been in a great place these last few days. It will pass, I know that it will. I guess I'm just feeling the old, but familiar, taste of disappointment (and yes, some anger) over how unfair things are. I'm just throwing myself a regular old pity party over here because, realistically, I know that I am SO blessed to have a wonderful husband and one healthy (knock on wood) and wonderful child. Honestly, I need to stop watching Duggar family reruns (you know...19 Kids and Counting. Don't laugh, it's my guilty pleasure. I like to torture myself, apparently). Why, oh why is it so easy for some people????? This is the very question that will drive me insane, eventually.

I completely understand why I am feeling this way at this particular point in time. A friend from work just had a baby on Tuesday. I am happy for her, especially knowing how she struggled to get pregnant. But I am sad for me, for us, for Alexandra. I can barely stand to look at the pictures of her new baby. I've had baby envy off and on for about a year now. But this is the first time that it actually *hurt*. I mean, physically, hurt.

So last April, I wrote about some "odd" work colleagues who "felt" that I would get pregnant. One said by "this time next year" (meaning April), one said that I would be by the time Bree had her baby. If you forgot this post and would like to remind yourself what in the heck I am talking about...look here:

Anyway, Bree is the one who had her baby on Tuesday. And I'm not pregnant. I was really hoping that they had some sort of 6th sense or cosmic connection to the fertility Gods :( I know it is soooo silly to put any stock in people's "feelings" about when I will get pregnant. But heck-I'm superstitious. I have a feeling that most infertile women are, to a certain extent, superstitious. Well I am DEFINITELY not pregnant. Maybe "Bob" will be right in his guess though....that I will be pregnant by April. Lord, I hope so.

So anyway, I'm kind of down in the dumps...and really for no good reason. I *haven't* even started treatments yet. I really feel kind of like I don't have the "right" to be sad until treatments fail (hopefully they won't). But we have been trying naturally since March or April, with no luck. However,  it is kind of hard to get pregnant if you don't ovulate. Bleh.

So anyway...I'm gonna try to talk myself out of this funk over the next few days. Mind over matter, right? Everyone has their cross to bear. Their struggle in life. If this is mine, it kind of sucks, but it's a heck of a lot better than losing a loved one, being stricken with a serious illness or having a serious disability. There are 152165463543 + things that could happen that are worse...especially since we were blessed with our daughter (thank you thank you thank you!!!!). So I'm gonna do some work on myself...on keeping things in perspective. But I figured that it would be somewhat cathartic to indulge in a small pity party for the moment.....thanks for "listening".

1 comment:

  1. I hear you! I have 2 baby showers this month for friends who weren't even trying and while I'm happy they didn't have to go through this, I'm jealous! I'll just go home and overdose on clomid ;)