Saturday, January 28, 2012

So This is How MY Week Went....

I'm in the bitter-barn ladies. I'm keeping myself busy, which is good...because then I don't dwell as much. But really....the unfairness of fertility vs. infertility kind of slapped me in the face this week at work. So here's how my week went:

Monday: I'm a school psychologist so I chair CSE meetings. During one meeting on twin boys (the parents failed to show, which is sadly unsurprising) it comes out that mom punished one of the boys for asking for a change of clothes at school. Turns out, the clothes that he was in was soaked with urine-be it human or cat-moot point I guess. So this little boy summoned up the courage to ask for clothes and then was over the moon when given new jeans, a crisp white shirt and a flannel. You would have thought this kid was given the world. Well....he went home and mom apparently screamed at him for hours, threw the clothes away and made him stand in the corner in his boxers for hours.

Thursday: I have a third grade girls therapy of my girls was telling me how she has to watch her 7 younger brothers and sisters and how she cooks for them and cleans them. She proceeds to tell me that she was really scared the other night because mom took a pill for a "headache" and was basically comatose for 12 hours after. Apparently the mom could not have been woken even by being shaken. By the way, dad is in jail-a convicted sex offender. Mom is out of her ever living mind. And the little girl is just so sweet-I'd love to take her home :(

Friday: Another CSE meeting. This time a wonderful dad was there...he's doing anything and everything he can for his daughter. He's seriously wonderful and the little girl is thriving in his care. Prior to living with dad, she was living with mom and was diagnosed with selective mutism and social anxiety disorder. Mom was also living with a pedophile but for some reason DSS did not choose to intervene. Mom runs off to Florida with the pedophile and leaves the little girl with dad for six months...which is the best thing that could have happened for the girl. mom wants her back and dad is fighting it tooth and nail. Trial is next Friday....and unfortunately, there is no guarantee that some random judge won't place her back with mom.

I mean, seriously...if you willingly live with a should lose your kids.  End of story.

So it has been a very emotionally taxing week for me...and of course I can't stop wondering why these people have children SO easily???? How does this happen? What is the lesson? Is there a lesson here? I just don't get it. I can't even pretend to get it :(

As for me...I'm on CD 22 I'm hoping that we don't have much longer to wait. I'm giving myself until a week from Monday for my period to come. If it doesn't come by Monday, February 5 (CD30), than I'm calling the doctor and going in for my progesterone script. We are SO done waiting. We usually go to Florida to see my parents over February break and we are not going this year, for a few reasons. However one reason is definitely because we don't want to wait another cycle to begin trying. If we went to Florida, we would have to wait until March most likely-yikes!

So no Florida this year...but hopefully we get to go next year with TWO kids! Gah! Fingers crossed!


  1. GAH! I just want to vomit reading that.... It just pisses me off.

    Seriously though, I have to remind myself that JUST because some people can procreate easily does NOT mean they are even FIT to BE parents. Being fertile doesn't make you a good mom, and in some cases I don't think they should even be considered mothers.

    I imagine your feild of work can be pretty hard sometimes. I am so sorry. I wish I lived closer to you so we could just hang out and focus on your up coming treatments and CELEBRATE your upcoming BFP together!!!!!!!! IT. WILL. HAPPEN! Whether by IUI, or IVF, girl you are gonna have just the right amount of kids!!!

    Take care hun!!!

    1. Thanks, Melissa :) I so NEEDED to hear that! It is very true that there is a vast difference between simply birthing a child and being a parent. Actually, it's two separate things. Fortunately, most women ARE both! I just wish it weren't so easy for these women, the ones who just don't care :( Wish we lived close also, then we could have a play date with all of our children-the ones here now, the ones on the way and hopefully the ones still to be conceived!