Monday, April 16, 2012

Baby Showers.

Baby Showers. The scourge of all infertiles. How do we get through them? Why do we go to them?

And yet, at my baby shower, I know of at least one woman (my cousin who has since had IVF boy/girl twins) who was dealing with infertility. I wonder if there were any more? I wonder how many more? There's a damn ton of us, it seems.

But baby showers aren't all bad for me. I tend to feel wistful, hopeful. And a little sad. Bittersweet about sums it up. As a planner, they get me thinking about how I would do things, what I would buy. As a woman, they get me to thinking about going through pregnancy again, adding to our family. As a fallible human, showers lead me to realize how pissed off I am that I can't have a baby the "normal" way.  The idea of an "accident"-bahahahahaha...what a laugh. It's especially funny when I think of ALL the years I spent trying to prevent pregnancy. Ok. So I am still bitter. But I did *mostly* enjoy my friend's baby shower. Yes, I had to look at diapers filled with melted candy bars. Yes, I had to sit with women that I did not know and who had the personalities of bread sticks. BUT...the food was damn good! And so I filled up.

And my friend...she went through her own baby making struggles. So it was nice to see her at the point she is at: uncomfortable and cranky. And happy about it. But, alas, I am jealous. And have no right to be. What else is new? At least I accept the emotion for what it is-**transient** Because, one day, it will be my turn again. And this will all be a memory. One specific, finite time in my life. Knock on wood.

 Trying out her wheels from Auntie Jill

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