Saturday, September 8, 2012

Either Way...

Either way it's gonna hurt if I have a miscarriage. Whether I allow myself to get excited about this pregnancy or not. I really don't think there's any "protecting myself". That kind of passed a week or so ago. The longer this pregnancy goes on (and of course my ultimate hope is that it goes on for another 30+ weeks), the more attached I get. Which is kind of scary. Because I know how things can go wrong. But will it hurt any less if I keep continuously reminding myself that it is early and that anything can happen? Probably not.

So like with Alex's pregnancy, I have made the decision to celebrate the life growing within me. Whether he makes it to full-fledge baby-hood or not. It's still something to celebrate. Any life is. I'm not going to worry about the hurt or pain or the what if's. least I'll *try* not to. Because why? Who the heck knows what will happen??? And am I just going to let myself be paranoid for the next 30+ weeks? Am I going to keep self-inflicting this worry on myself? That seems to be insanity to me.

So I'll be six weeks tomorrow :) I still have the very, very persistent thought that this baby is a boy. I mean, I'm like 90% sure. Which is odd. Because I really don't believe people can have "feelings" about this stuff. But I don't know. I just don't picture a girl. Definitely a boy. And I'd really love another girl....but I'm just not feeling it with this pregnancy. With Alex--I had no feeling one way or another. Weird.

And I feel pregnant. I have the same full feeling in my uterus that I had with Alex. I'm way more nauseous this time around too. So I'm welcoming these feelings and leaving it up to the universe in regard to what happens. Which really takes the load off, to be honest.

I saw THEE. MOST. ADORABLE onsies at The Children's Place Yesterday. Onsies for boys. OMG--was I tempted to buy one. BUT-while I am embracing this pregnancy and celebrating it-I am still a bit of a nut case about jinxing myself. So we'll save that for later.

 First day of "school" for 2012/2013

 Aunty Colleen bought Alex her own tool set--and she's totally down with it!

Love her!

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