BFN's. No hint of a line. No shadow. Not even a darn evap. So I'm about 96% sure that this cycle is over. I'm actually doing alright. I think I did the vast majority of my grieving for this cycle when I got the BFN at 10 dpo, as I had such high hopes for that day.
I guess I just have to be happy that I had a two week wait. There were *several* times when I didn't think I would even get that. I wasn't responding, then I was over-stimming, then my estrogen was getting too high, then only four of my 13 mature eggs fertilized, then one stopped growing early on. Yep-the fact that we got to transfer anything-especially two good quality embryos-is a success to some degree. Of course, I had hoped for much more...
We will definitely be taking this next cycle off. We are going to Florida the first week in April, so even if we wanted to stim, timing-wise it wouldn't work out. I don't want to have to deal with being monitored out of town. I want to concentrate on being on vacation. On enjoying Dan, enjoying Alex. Enjoying our family. I don't want to spend that time thinking about fertility, or infertility. And I'm happy to take the month off, get my body back to normal, resume my normal fitness schedule (down 20 pounds now!), get my hormones back to normal, my emotional state back to normal. It should be a nice break.
We DO plan to consult with the actual doctor before our next round. We have questions about this past cycle and really need some recommendations for the next. We will be asking about a different protocol, about whether we should even bother with IUI, given my not-so-great egg response, whether we should bother trying to transfer our little frozen embie at this point in time, etc. etc. We have a ton of questions. We've also been, since virtually the beginning, a little concerned with how this past cycle was handled. At times, I felt that they were not keeping as close of an eye on my levels as they should have. Also, we have seen so many nurses and NP's...and some have more expertise or experience than others. Some have completely different opinions and theories on how cycles should go. This concerns me as well. So, we have a lot to go over.
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:( I am so sorry... I really really hoped this cycle would pull through in the end.
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoy your cycle off. I know after my 3 iui's and the mess THEY were I wanted to go straight to IVF, but we HAD to save up and we took a 6 month break. It was killer, but necessary. I feel like I really needed it.
I also hope you get all your questions answered so that you can feel CONFIDENT with your RE.
I'm sorry you are still getting negative results. It seems like you are dealing really well with everything.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have some good questions for the doc in the future. Having come from a different clinic I have a very different perspective on CNY. I also have some tips to improve egg quality (seemed to help some for me). I was wondering if you would be interested in getting together for coffee sometime. It's always nice to not feel so alone in this process and hard to meet others in the same situation.
Also, for the continuity of care it helps to request the same NP each time, I've learned that one! That way you aren't getting someone different each time.
It sucks that IVF isn't a sure bet, don't you wish we all got pregnant our first round? Looking forward to hearing what your plans for the future are.
Thanks ladies :)
ReplyDeleteLiz-I didn't know that you could request the same nurse?? I guess I just figured I couldn't because they are so busy. I will definitely be doing that from now on! Who do you normally see? Coffee would be great! We'll have to figure out logistics, maybe meet half way?