Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Smug, Former-Infertiles

It does happen occasionally. Not too often, but I have seen it once or twice. The smug infertile. Er-the smug "former" infertile.

So let me tell you about "Beth". Beth is a girl that I work with. I'm not really friends with her. Not that I hate her, we just don't "jive". You know how you have "soul mate" friends? They just get you, you get them? It's an easy relationship. I would never have that with Beth.

Well, I overheard that Beth was having issues getting (and staying) pregnant. Well, I didn't really "overhear" this; rather, it was the gossip in the faculty room one day when I walked in. Having been there myself, I approached Beth in a pretty delicate way. I wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. That lots of women have these issues. That it is ok. Nothing to be ashamed of. And that there is lots that can be done these days to help women conceive. Hadn't treatments worked for me? Alex was my testament.

Beth started crying. I think it was simply a relief to talk about it to someone who understood...and who wouldn't give her pat advice or say something completely asinine like "my aunt's uncle's brother's son's wife couldn't have a baby so they adopted and YOU KNOW WHAT???!!! They got pregnant ONE MONTH  later!" Basically. She knew she was safe to talk and rage and just to simply be sad.

So Beth and I spoke a few times. I was happy to do so. She was happy to hear my story. And then she got pregnant. After about 14 months of trying, she was pregnant....super nervous at first. I told her that it was normal and that the anxiety would get less and less. Happily, Beth got her healthy baby girl in November!

So where does the smug part come in?

When Beth was very pregnant, I walked into the faculty room to her telling another staff member how "easy" it had been to get pregnant, and how surprised she was. Huh??? Ok. People are private. I get it. But I was surprised she outwardly (basically) lied. Why just not say anything? But people are weird about things-so I didn't think too much about it. Just thought it interesting. Beth is very concerned with appearances, so I kind of just attributed it to that.

BUT...and this is the kicker....I saw her yesterday at the mall. She was walking with her mother, sister and the baby in the stroller. Adorable little girl! Anyway, she asked me, in front of her mother and sister ( I also work with her mother) when I was going to have another baby. Really!? Because I seem to remember talking about how WE BOTH hated that question.

I, of course, have had my head in the clouds thinking about pregnancy lately, and stalled long enough for her eyes to widen. She then said "Oh my God...ARE you pregnant"??? So then I had to go through the whole song and dance of convincing her that I am certainly not pregnant. And, being superstitious, also now feel that the conversation jinxed this cycle.

So then...the parting blow: "Well, you should really try again soon....never know how long it will take". *smile* *wave* *walk away with the baby*.

Apparently, my initial impression of Beth's friendship potential was spot-on.

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