How am I feeling? You may be surprised to hear--I'm feeling disappointed. I know that makes me seem ungrateful and all, but I was hoping for either a super big surge in numbers--or nothing, a decrease even. All or nothing. What these numbers mean is that I am still in the dreaded limbo. Yes, they doubled. But they are still super low. It actually has me worrying about it being ectopic. Realistically, odds are still not in my favor for a viable pregnancy. But--I'm also strangely proud of my little fair grade embryo. He's holding on!
It also doesn't help that all the nurses at my clinic are on different pages. The nurse who drew my blood yesterday cautioned me that my first beta was pretty low--and that while it wasn't a "low positive"--it was bare minimum for what they want to see. I appreciated her candor. I like to know where I stand.
But then the nurse who called that afternoon with my updates, she sounded so cheerful about a doubling, albeit low, beta. She seemed to think it was all good and didn't even want to schedule me for a third beta. I pushed for one anyway and scheduled it for tomorrow. She even already scheduled me for my first obstetrical ultrasound for next Wednesday. Which has me even more confused because all us infertiles who have scoured the web about all things pregnancy related know that you can't see anything on ultrasound until beta levels reach 1000-1500. Even if my rates keep doubling, they would be around 800. So...I'm confused. Some nurses are happy, some are doom and gloom and others are in-between. Which is probably the most realistic place to be.
But you know what? At this point, I feel like I have to try to find my positive place. My little guy is fighting, he's hanging on. I feel like I at least owe it to him to really push for him....
So there you have my baby making drama! To get our minds off everything, we took Alex to the state fair yesterday--which was a lot of fun because now she's old enough to do stuff. We played games, she "won" some cheesy blue teddy bear and a big blow-up dolphin, gorged herself on ice-cream and found out she hates cotton candy. It was a good time. And being the good mama-to-be (for the moment anyway) I ate the prerequisite fried fair food and stayed away from wine slushies.