Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Not So Good At This.

Yeah. So I'm not so good with this whole "no answer" thing. It's not even the waiting. I mean, it's not like super fun...but I can deal with it. It's the whole "loose strings" thing. It's the being in the "in between".

I'm excited for my second beta. Really, I am. Excited mostly to have some sort of answer. Either my numbers will have gone down, will have doubled (or more) or will have risen, but not adequately. Oh, I guess it could stay the same too. Either way, I should know if this could be a viable pregnancy after tomorrow. And then I can move on. Either way. No more loose strings. Right now, I'm in the middle of a whole knot of loose strings-positive FRER's that don't get any darker, positive digital tests, negative digital tests-bah!

I kind of feel like I've already grieved this shot at a viable pregnancy. Things just don't feel right to me and, subsequently, I've gone through the whirl-wind of emotions already. So I really think that I am Ok with whatever I find out tomorrow. Perhaps the numbers will be good and I can be guardedly excited. But there's a good chance they won't be. And I can lick my wounds and move on. Put it behind me. Go grab a wine slushy at the State Fair. Sit in my HOT jacuzzi at night. Eat a big fat turkey sub, possibly while eating some extra ripe brie at the same time. I love my soft cheeses. So I'll be ok.

 Moving on is always better than being stuck in limbo. Moving on is essential to getting you where you want to be. 

So I'm not even asking for people to send me sticky dust or prayers or good wishes. It is what it is. It's a good pregnancy or not. Just hoping for some answers-hopefully definitive ones.

And because I think she's super cute, here's some pictures of my little monkey:

 So serious!

Who doesn't go to a beach and camp out under a sign?

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