That Dang Dance

I'm 3dp5dt today.

Or...the equivalent to 8 dpo (days past the big "O"). No, I don't mean orgasm. Unfortunately, there was none of that-that went into making this particular baby.

So I'm on day eight. The good thing about a five day transfer is that you're already five days into the dreaded 2ww. Five days less of cycling through every possible emotion.

"I know it worked!"
"It must have worked!"
"Of course it worked, it was already practically a baby, what did my body really have to do?!"
"Feck. It's impossible"
"I feel pregnant. My boobs hurt"
"Ohhhhh, I have a zit on my chin. Totally a sign"
"I'm doomed"
"I'm doomed and my kid is going to hate me for never making her a sibling"
"Ohhhh, I felt a cramp. Must be implantation"
"I F'ing hate my body and my stupid ovaries"

You get the picture. Because that's where I've been for the last day or so. Sure it worked, sure it failed. Feeling silly about being optimistic with one, lone, fair embryo...blah blah blah.

The thing is, with Alex, I did feel some weird, crazy sensations around 7dpo. I swear! I'm not making this up. And I'm not one to put a lot of stock into super early 2ww symptoms-if people pay enough attention, they will feel every tiny bodily sensation that ever existed. Still doesn't mean they created a human being. Anyway, around 7dpo, I totally felt light pinching sensations in my uterine area for like an entire day. I was so sure that it was implantation--it felt like nothing I had felt before. I was so sure. I was so sure that, like the crazy asshole I am when it comes to peeing on sticks, I took a test at 8dpo. Yeah, it was negative. Duh. I didn't test at 9dpo because I was all angry and bitter and defeated...but like an addict...I couldn't control myself and tested and 10dpo. And it was positive. A beautiful, relatively dark positive.

So where am I going with this? I'm technically 8dpo today. I've felt nothing. Nada. Zilch. I know. I'm being a total downer for no logical reason. I mean my little microcosm of cells (I don't know if I used that word in the correct context, but it seemed like a good descriptor of my embryo and I've been itching to use it. So bare with me) is tiny, minute. What the heck could I possibly feel???

Anyway, I'm hungry (wholy crap, another sign!) so I'm gonna get some cereal (a craving?). Then Alex and I are hitting up Target because we BOTH are irrationally in love with that place. Just seeing the red carts puts us both into our happy place. I may buy my kid a toy too, because why not spoil my only child (see, I'm hormonal too)?

PS. The pool party was a HUGE success, but I couldn't get rid of people! People were here until 2 (am) or so...people sleeping over. Oy, it was like being 19 again and living in a townhouse with 6 other people. Choas. But--a good distraction from the happenings in my uterus.

 We won't even talk about how many cupcakes just had the icing licked off

 Alex making s'mores with her cousin, Rylee

 Alex cuddling with cousin Reese

 Yeah, that's how we roll