Saturday, August 18, 2012

FET #1-Check! number two "best" option did not happen: that the embryo wouldn't survive the thaw and we would get our 1250 back. So we are most definitely out 1250. Small price to pay for a healthy baby---BIG price to pay for nothing. We'll see.

The transfer went smoothly, even without a Valium inspired haze. Why did I say no to the offered Valium? Too much shit to do at home for this pool party today. Dr. K was his usual chipper, hippy self and he went on and on, ad nauseum, about my tattoo (the one with Alex's name on my foot and a seeded dandelion blowing in the breeze) and how "wishes do really come true". When I asked the grade of my poor, lone embie, he kind of did not want to tell me and instead gave me a pep talk about how the prettiest embryo's don't always make it, but the ones with the most "passion" do. I'm not making this shit up. Anyway, it can't be a good sign when your doctor doesn't want to tell you the actual grade. But I'm easy--he did get me all jacked up and relatively excited. I didn't really have the heart to ask him again because he was trying so hard. So, instead, I kind of went behind his back (I'm a coward, I know) and spoke privately with the embryologist--who was fantastic, btw.

So the deal with my one sole survivor is that it's an early day five blastocyst--which is why it got a grade of a 2. The full grade is a 2CB.  Now for those lucky enough to have no friggin' clue what I'm talking about, a really really super awesome embryo is like a 4AA. So yeah, mine is definitely fair. However, the first number could go up because it's only young right now. The embryologist said the C could get better too, that often times young blastocysts don't have high first letters because they are still growing and evolving. The "B" part is good, however. Yay for something good.

The embryologist also reiterated that there are so many other factors related to whether a pregnancy is established--and that grading is NOT the end-all-be-all. It's subjective in many cases. She also reiterated what Dr. G once said to me--that the most beautiful embryo's often do nothing while the good or fair ones make it to a healthy baby. No one knows the when's where's and why's. Pregnancy, establishing a pregnancy, is still such a mystery. There's still so much we don't know.

She also said that some women do better with a FET, because their bodies have not had to undergo the stress of a fresh IVF cycle. I can relate to this, as I felt like absolute crappola when I went through IVF in February.  She even said that some women do better with a single embryo transfer, rather than multiple. For this point, I think she was just trying to make me feel better and blowing smoke up my ass. But hey. I liked her. She answered most of my questions honestly. She made me feel better without giving me false hope.

So I'm now, technically, 6 days past ovulation---or 1dp5dt. I'm sitting here wondering if my little guy is still alive and growing and about to implant...or if he has already disintegrated into a big jumble of random cells and mush. Fortunately, I don't have time to worry about this, as I have a par-tay to prepare for :) Plus, I hear Alex grumbling up in bed. So when I have another moment, I will have to post a picture of my little ball of cells. He's not much to look at yet, be warned....

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