Saturday, August 25, 2012

For Realz?

13 dpo today, or 8dp5dt. So what happened, you ask? Who the heck knows!? I'm still in a no-man's land of confusion, doubt and worry. Perhaps a little bit of hope and optimism in there too-though I wouldn't admit that in real life. In real life I'm a jaded, infertility bad-ass.

I took three-yes THREE tests yesterday because, quite simply, I did not believe the first test because it was so unbelievably light. Well, my second FRER test of the day was also positive. Quite impressive, I thought, as it wasn't with FMU (first morning urine) and I only held my pee for like 3 hours. Then at night, I got brave and took a Clear Blue Easy digital. And waited and waited and waited. Damn, those things take awhile. Three minutes, which feels like 30. And what do I see: "Not Pregnant". Damn you for being so DECISIVE, CBE!  So that put the kabbash on my night, kind of.  And then I puked. Puked all of my dinner up. WTH? Seriously? I did. It sucked. And while I know perfectly well that it is way too early for any type of "morning" sickness, a part of me checked off a little mental box in the back of my mind. I never puke. I never even puked with Alex. Coincidence, right? Must be. Way way too early. Ah, the mind games of infertility.

So I took two tests this morning, using the same container of pee for both. Yeah, cause why would I use one? I took that other evil digital and a FRER. The FRER came up positive still, and a bit darker than yesterday's. In fact, I was actually able to get a picture where you could see two lines-huzzah! The digi? Meh, damn thing came up "Not pregnant" again :( That bad boy certainly wasn't open to any interpretation. There was no seeing imaginary lines there. Just a stark, Not Pregnant.

So where do I stand? Who the heck knows? I guess this is what they mean by being "a little bit" pregnant.

I will say that I did not follow the directions on the digi this morning. I held the thing in the cup for only 10 seconds instead of the prescribed 20 seconds. Could this have made an actual difference? Would that much more HCG have soaked through that little wick? Darn it if I know. Any thoughts?

So I'm feeling that this will be a chemical pregnancy. Which completely and totally bums me out. But I'm trying to remind myself that if this pregnancy doesn't take off, it's probably because there is something grossly wrong with the embryo and that it's just nature's way....and that our perfect (for us) child is still waiting for us....

And now for another addition of: Only an Infertile :)

Only an infertile would go to Target and buy not one box of pregnancy tests, but two. Two different types. Really?! Because how many tests do you need to tell you that you're pregnant??? I deliberately went to a male cashier so I wouldn't get the raised eyebrow again. They don't know how that shit works anyway.

And now for a picture of this morning's FRER test. I spared you a shot of the "Not Pregnant" CBE. It's quite a bit darker "In real life" but it's the best I could do...

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