.....sucked.
Seriously....sucked.
....Sucked so badly that I almost didn't even feel like going over the whole dang thing on here. The only reason I will is so I can have a record of all this crap that I have gone through. I don't know why I want it....perhaps to guilt trip my kids someday, if I ever need to. Ok, kidding (mostly).
So, to make a long story short: lining shrunk from an 11 on Saturday to an 8 (which is still good...but it shouldn't be shrinking). No measurable follicles STILL.
And....Estrogen dropped AGAIN from a 56 on Saturday to a 49. The highest it had been was a 68 on Thursday. So yeah, it has dropped almost 20 points. Which is bad. Which is really bad considering that estrogen shouldn't be dropping and my levels should be well into the hundreds now :(
I suck. That's all there is to it. How much of a failure do I feel like, that I can't even ovulate or respond when on some potent drugs???? Ok, so maybe I'm indulging in a pity party. But I don't care.
I'm cranky too....cranky because I KNOW that they should have raised my dose on Saturday, when they first saw my estrogen falling. But they didn't. And now it's lower. It's basically to its baseline level (which was somewhere around a 44). I don't know if they are just being super cautious, or if they haven't been paying close enough attention to my results. They have an excellent rep-but this just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
So the plan: keep stimming. I've been bumped up to 150 units of Gonal from 112.5. We'll see if anything happens. I'm pretty desperate for something to happen, and am worried that nothing will. I'm kind of feeling like, even if we do get some follicles, this cycle has been so screwed up that it will be a bust regardless.
So yeah...I'm feeling pretty down. I didn't necessarily expect a pregnancy right away, but I expected the chance to get pregnant. I just feel so inadequate. Why can't my body work, even on medication??? What is wrong with me? And now that I'm typing this, I'm beginning to cry...which I haven't done all day. I just can't believe that I'm not responding. And that wakens the fear that I will NEVER respond and therefore will never have another baby :( I'm just feeling very sad and useless :(
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Oh hun, I am so frustrated FOR you.... grrrr!!! I really wish they would've upped your dose.
ReplyDeleteI am one of those bad patients that if I thought I knew better, might consider upping it myself... but I know that's bad... I am just a control freak sometimes.
Hoping for good news VERY SOON!!!!!!
And just for the record, I really don't think anything is wrong with YOU, clearly you respond to meds, you HAVE A BABY... They just haven't got you on that magic dose yet. Once they do, it will all line up for ya... I just know it!!!!
Thanks, Melissa :) I'm feeling better lately...in a better place. Still frustrated. I think that I just might be done with IUI and go straight to IVF next time around. I go for u/s four tomorrow. I'm anticipating and dreading it at the same time!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your baby boys!!!!!!