This cycle is....cursed.

So who has two thumbs and dropped their bottle of Lupron, shattering it to pieces? This girl here. Yes-shattered. Completely. Totally. In pieces. Lupron all over my tiled kitchen floor. I experienced a moment of such desperate depravity that I considered getting a syringe out and sucking up some of it from a particularly large glob on the floor. Then common sense got the better of me and I realized that I shouldn't be injecting myself with ANY material that has touched my kitchen floor.

So I called Freedom Pharmacy's after-hours people, and they were completely useless (and also completely rude-which is NOT my normal experience with them) and then I called my fertility clinic. They said that they would probably be able to loan me some that I could replace when my replacement arrived. Hope so! The good news is that I got my shot in tonight, prior to the destruction. I very nearly started crying when I dropped that vial. To be quite honest, I'm surprised I didn't-since I seem to be a hormonal basket case lately.

And before that--yes--this day keeps getting better....before that, here's what happened:

We were at our friends' daughter's first birthday. They have three kids under five (4,3 and 1). Obviously they do not have issues making babies *insert bitter sarcasm*. The husband, who is my husband's close friend says the good ol' "So when will you be having another baby"?

Now, this I expected. It inevitably comes up, in some form, at any family function---but children's parties--forget about it! Not only will it come up, but it will come up multiple times from multiple people who inevitably have two or three kids already. Anyway, I expected the question. I'm ok with it. I know that no one really means any harm. So I tell hubby's friend that "we're thinking about another one" and that "we wanted our children to be about 3 years apart". That second part is kind of a lie, but it sounds good as to why we don't have a second child yet.

So I'm ready to move the conversation along, and hubby's friend says, "You know...my sister and I are over 4 years and 2 months apart and....well....I gotta tell you....that was WAY too big of an age difference". He goes on to lament about how they weren't close growing up and so on.

Well. Thanks for the pressure. Now not only do I get to worry about NOT having a second child at all, but having them too far apart. I thought I had laid that particular fear to rest...but now I'm not so sure.

F#ck.

And I got to watch Alex being so sweet with a three month old baby at the party....patting his leg and rocking him in his seat. She was so careful, so vigilant. She would be a good big sister. It was, from Glennon's blog, a "brutiful" moment (brutal and beautiful)....

Fifth ultrasound tomorrow. We'll see. I don't know where we'll go from here if that 225 dose doesn't work. I mean, how high can they really take me?